


The Space Between

by SophieHatter



Series: The Space Between (series) [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Romance Novel, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aural sex, Bagels, Bath, Bathing/Washing, Bathtubs, Bed & Breakfast, Breakfast, Breakfast in Bed, Cake, Candles, Chinese Food, Conversations, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Dirty Talk, Domestic Fluff, Dry Humping, F/F, F/M, Family, First Time, Flirting, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Grinding, Heavy Angst, Kissing, Long, Long-Distance Relationship, Masturbation, Masturbation in Bathroom, Morning After, Morning Sex, Motorcycles, Netflix and Chill, Nightmares, Outdoor Sex, Phone Calls & Telephones, Pillow Talk, Playlist, Post-Episode: s10e20 Unending, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Regret, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sleep Sex, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Tea, Team Fluff, Team as Family, Watching Someone Sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-11 22:24:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 39,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15325713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieHatter/pseuds/SophieHatter
Summary: After 10 years as a member of SG-1, Samantha Carter is moving on. Accepting the position of Expedition Leader of the Ancient Cityship Atlantis, Sam has six weeks to get her life on Earth sorted before travelling to the Pegasus Galaxy for the two year posting.In Washington, D.C., Jack O’Neill is considering retirement, again. When Lt. Colonel Carter visits D.C. to accept the Atlantis position, O’Neill sees it as the perfect excuse to re-examine the agreement that they reached two years earlier.Carter is in denial about nearly everything - her personal life, her relationships, her mental health. And six weeks is barely enough time to put it all back together. Her eyes are on the future, but the present is passing her by. Can SG-1 help Carter find herself again?





	1. Day 1: Vacation

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Discusses or describes PTSD, suicide, self harm, domestic violence and depression.
> 
> An AU romance fic set aprox. six months post SG-1 Season 10 and pre Stargate Atlantis Season 4. This is already at novella length and only about half done. So if you’d like a long read, then please join me.  
> Almost canon, with a few exceptions/assumptions:
> 
> \- Jack is still posted to Washington, D.C. as Director of Homeworld Security.  
> \- General Landry is still running the SGC.  
> \- Dr Elizabeth Weir is MIA, presumed dead.  
> \- Dr Daniel Jackson has recently formed and leads the Archaeology and Classics Research team at the SGC and is not active in SG-1.  
> \- Teal’c has married Ishta and they are living offworld as leaders of their combined peoples.  
> \- The IOC conducted a talent hunt/application process for the next leader of the Atlantis Expedition.  
> \- Vala Mal Doran has returned to her life of black market trading but continues as a covert operative for the SGC, gathering intelligence.  
> \- Cassandra Frasier is studying pre-med in Washington, D.C..  
> \- Lt. Colonel Carter and Lt. Colonel Mitchell are currently the only permanent members of SG-1. The recruitment process for new team members is underway. 
> 
> The story intends to explain the deleted scene from “Trio” in which Carter discusses the complicated relationship she has with someone in Washington, D.C.. It was also inspired by Amanda Tapping and Richard Dean Anderson’s love of motorcycles.
> 
> This is my first AO3 story, thanks for sharing in it. Feedback/comments welcome.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had very few ties to the world of _Be home on time_ , the practice of _Sensible people don’t_.

**Day 1: Vacation**

The first time they limited themselves to two hours. Jack hadn’t done this for years. They had talked about doing it long ago. On the nights off-world when things were quiet and they sat around talking of everything and nothing, Carter had once told O’Neill how much she loved the feeling of freedom it gave her. And she had confessed, through a rare crack in her tightly maintained distance, that she liked the feeling of power and control and the escape of singular immersion in an activity.

Jack, of course, had done it himself, so he understood why she loved it so much. But Sara hadn’t been a fan, said she had enough to worry about with him being deployed. After his months as a POW in Iraq, he saw her point and pushed any interest in it to the back of his mind. And then there was Charlie. Why wouldn’t he spend every available free moment with his son?

Sam, however, wasn’t Sara. Like him, she was a pilot. Like him, she sought risk in her adventures. Like him, she had a love for high performance machines. Like him, she had very few ties to the world of _Be home on time_ , the practice of _Sensible people don’t._


	2. Day 2: Nebraska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His proximity kept her revved up in first gear, ready to go at any moment.

**Day 2: Nebraska**

The second time they pushed it for a little longer. The weather was perfect and they had both slept well the night before at some little bed and breakfast that they found along the way. About halfway they took a detour and left the main highway, winding their way up a slow and meandering road, crossing over into Nebraska without even knowing it.

The hours passed with neither of them taking particular note. They chatted over their headsets which had only basic security, so they kept to topics that were publicly ok. Which was a good thing, really. They both needed this time to disconnect from what they were, what they both had been for ten years and longer: career focused, driven to be the best, driven to push higher and harder than their peers, to go further than anyone else.

That was an irony, for they had gone further than anyone else. From amongst the Tau’ri, anyhow. Sam had worked out their travel miles a few months ago for the base trivia night. She had the most, with Jack and Daniel second and third. Admittedly, any Atlantis personnel had a big boost, but SG1’s various misjumps in hyperspace, especially the one that came from exploding Vorash’s sun, gave them a significant margin. And now, with Sam taking command of the Atlantis Expedition, and the semi-frequent trips back and forth, she would stay handily in the lead for sometime yet.

**Day 2: Bath**

In a hot bath that night, at another B&B, Sam sighed contentedly as she soaked away the ache in her muscles. It felt good to be back on her bike again, riding just for the enjoyment of it, losing herself in the rhythm of brake, lean, accelerate. Feeling the road under her and seeing the world slide smoothly by. Jack’s obvious rediscovered pleasure in the activity brought another smile to her face. They needed this time to put the world of the SGC behind them, even for a short while, so they could figure out how to connect outside of their old, familiar context of CO and 2IC.

There was no denying the sexual tension that had existed between them from almost the beginning. It had peaked and receded multiple times over the years, but both of them had stuck firmly to the rules, and shared an unspoken agreement that neither wanted to end their careers.

When Jacob died, and she had decided not to marry Pete, they had come together briefly and dallied with the idea of a relationship. They finally talked and committed out loud to wait a bit longer, until the day that they weren’t so close in the command structure. 

She lifted her toes out of the water, and turned the hot tap on again, needing to bring the temperature back up. Sam let it run for a minute, moving the water around, her toes playing with the new bubbles before turning off the tap. She wasn’t quite done with her soak.

The thing with Pete had been a mistake, and she still regretted the pain that she had caused both him and Jack. But good had come from it, too. She knew herself better and instead of blindly stumbling into dalliances and relationships, she had a much clearer vision of her future, both professional and personal. Then there was the practical side of things that they had agreed to. Seeking physical comfort in others was fine, as long as they kept it publicly quiet and didn’t lie to each other. But they would wait and see what the future held for them when it came to permanent commitments.

Just twice Sam had used the escape clause and she had no idea if Jack had ever needed it. Both times she had been well away from the SGC and Washington. She didn’t want Jack finding out through gossip. If he asked her, she would tell him. But neither meant anything and they were barely satisfying except for in the moment.

She brushed her hands over her body under the water, sliding them up her stomach to curl under her breasts. She closed her eyes and remembered the feeling of his knee pressed against hers as they ate dinner last night. His fingertips had fluttered at her thigh while they waited for dessert. Sam kept one hand softly stroking at her breast and put the other on that same knee. Her touch was light, not quite the same as Jack’s, but what was coming was pure fantasy anyway. For the past two years all her fantasies involved Jack, somehow. There was no one else who could satiate her now, at least in her head. And for Sam the physical usually followed the mental.

Lightly she dragged her fingers up her thigh, the water making the touch more sensuous than normal, making it easier to imagine that they were Jack’s fingers. She opened her legs wider, letting them relax against the sides of the tub and stroked her inner thigh, working her way downwards. Her other hand slid up, rubbing thumb over nipple, feeling it slowly harden and pucker. Below, her hand brushed over the soft curls between her legs, the movement of water and passing fingers creating a pleasant warmth in her belly.

With a soft moan, Sam let loose some of the tension that she got from just being near Major General Jack O’Neill. She hadn’t noticed until he moved to Washington that his proximity kept her revved up in first gear, ready to respond at any moment. His absence left her in neutral and it had taken a long time to get used to. Now she knew other ways to get geared up, both at work and at home, but she loved the way she always felt ready to take on anything when he was nearby.

Nearby. The thought resonated in her head and she wondered if, at this very moment, Jack might be engaged in a similar task. If he wasn’t, Sam admired his self control. After a day of riding, she often had to release the thrum that the bike left between her legs. After a day of riding with Jack, well. She was surprised she could manage a normal looking walk after dismounting.

Perhaps, right now, he was lying in his tub, hand around his erection, stroking it and thinking of her. Sam slipped her fingers into her curls, tugging at them gently, pressing her hand into her flesh, pushing back with her hips. She pictured them sharing a bathroom with two tubs, each of them stroking themselves and hearing the pleasure of the other. Fingers pinched her nipple, rolling it, tugging lightly and rolling it again. She imagined how he would moan and then slipped her fingers between her outer lips, letting the cooler bath water in. The water itself created a soft pressure and she added her touch, one finger, then two, teasing her opening.

The warmth in her stomach became a tingle and then a thrill of excitement as she imagined Jack whispering her name as he masturbated. She pictured him in the bath water, soft, grey chest hairs lapped by the waves of his motion as his hand moved. In her mind, his head tilted back at the same time hers did, hips thrusting up towards the stimulating hand, their movements becoming faster and harder together.

“Jack,” she groaned softly into the empty room, while in her head he moaned a reply. She didn’t want this to take too much longer, so Sam added a third finger and began thrusting into herself, the width providing a pleasant rub against her entrance, the depth not as satisfying as it could be. A spasm squeezed her fingers and she pressed her thighs together around her hand, shifting angle to get a little more inside, fingers moving in and out faster. Her other hand squeezed her breast, alternately tugging and pressing the nipple.

“Sam,” Fantasy Jack moaned again.

“Close,” she answered, the tension in her clear. “Come with me. Please,” she whispered to him.

In her head, she heard his motion increase, the water lapping loudly. She waited for him to groan her name and then let her orgasm loose. The water splashed as three intense spasms ran through her and then she let her legs relax, thighs pressed together, not wanting to let go of the sensation of being filled, even as inadequate as her fingers were.

The orgasm had had a pleasant intensity, but once that faded, she felt the disappointing loneliness that came with most attempts these days. Except for the dreams. In the dream state she could convince herself that Jack was still there afterwards, holding her or sleeping or caressing her as she woke. The last few times she had tried to orgasm while fully awake she had been left with nothing but tears of frustration, feeling betrayed by her own body that apparently couldn’t manage such a simple act without actual Jack. 

So at least this was an improvement, she thought to herself as she pulled the plug and stepped out while the water drained. Towelling herself dry, she got most of the water out of her hair before deciding to leave it damp and get dressed for dinner. Something in the way Jack looked at her when she’d just showered told her that it turned him on. Perhaps he had a locker room fantasy. Well, who in the military hadn’t, at one time or another?

There was a knock on her door as Sam made her last checks in the bathroom mirror. She didn’t have much of a wardrobe packed as what they had brought needed to fit on the tail of the two bikes. But she liked how she looked. Her hair was damp and tousled, her ears bare, no makeup. She had exchanged her riding leathers for jeans and a clean shirt with a scoop neck. Sliding into her jacket as the knock came again, she opened the door while his hand was still raised.

Seeing her, Jack’s face split into a wide grin. “I was just getting worried. Thought you might have drowned.”

Sam stepped past him, hiding her brief flush. “No,” she told him. “Not quite. But it was a nice bath.”

He shut her door and then lightly rested his hand in the small of her back as they left the B&B. Sam leaned into him and his arm snaked around to rest on her hip as they walked down the street to the Old Coach Inn, the place recommended to them by their host. It was still difficult to relax into touching each other in public, but they were getting there. 


	3. Minus 30 Days: Chinese Takeaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My dear Samantha, you have no idea how romantic John J O’Neill can get.

**Minus 30 Days: Chinese Takeaway**

When Carter came to Washington to accept the command role on Atlantis, O’Neill had his own news to share. Carter was among the first that he told of his decision to retire.

They sat in his office for an afternoon, first discussing the various issues that she would have to tackle when she arrived on Atlantis. Then, turning their thoughts to the future, began to plan how Carter might build upon the expedition’s successes and better prepare the Atlantis personnel for future challenges.

She was still ‘Carter’ when Jack thought of her in any military context. It made sense, he supposed. Lieutenant Colonel Carter was a very able member of his team and already had a long and decorated career in the Air Force. Atlantis would be just the first of her permanent operational commands. General O’Neill was very familiar with the part of her that was an elite officer.

When the discussion of Atlantis began to wane, Carter attempted to turn the topic to his retirement. Jack signalled to her to wait. As they said their formal goodbyes, he scribbled down something, folded it twice and slid it amongst her papers.

Carter arrived at his apartment at 21:00 hours precisely, with his favourite Chinese takeaway in hand.

They spent most of the night talking. At first it was formal, military, related to work. Then Carter had asked him what he planned to do with his new found free time and he laughed.

“I’m not leaving the program completely. I figure you’ll be away in Pegasus for at least two years. The Chief Of Staff would be happy to keep me here in DC in a consulting capacity. At least until you get back.”

Carter examined him carefully and then she leaned back on his couch and put her feet up on his coffee table. Carter slipped away and let Sam take the conversation for a while.

“So you still hope that we might ...” she trailed off, picking at the edge of the label on her beer.

“Have a future?” Jack finished for her. “Carter, Sam,” he corrected himself. “I want to make room for that possibility. Maybe if I can give us a safe space to operate in,” he smiled as Sam raised an eyebrow at his choice of words, “We could give things a trial run.” Jack shrugged and lent back in his armchair, putting his feet up on the coffee table, opposite hers.

“I dunno, S-. Jack,” Sam stumbled, just as he had.

An earlier version of Jack would have been crestfallen at her lack of apparent enthusiasm. This Jack knew better, Sam came to the best solutions by working through them out loud. He listened patiently.

“I just hadn’t thought ... with me being so far away ... that this would be a good time.” She wandered through her thoughts as she tried to put them in order.

“With the Bridge, Gate thingie ..”

“Intergalactic Gate Bridge,” Sam corrected.

“Yeah, that thing. With that, the Pentagon expects to see you back here in DC at least four times a year. Possibly more.”

Sam kept on thinking, Jack could see it in her eyes.

“I’d just be your military spouse, but we’d have the chance to see each other more often than most overseas deployments get.”

“You’ll never be ‘just’ anything, Jack O’Neill. Especially not to me,” she added.

That was something Jack was pleased to hear, but he tried to keep his cool. “As a consultant to the program, there might be a chance to see each other for other reasons, too.”

Sam held her finger up, a request for him to pause while she thought. “Spouse?” she asked.

Jack gave an abashed shrug and sipped his beer. “I thought you might feel more comfortable if things were more,” he searched for the word, “Legitimate.”

“Smooth, O’Neill, smooth. Knock a lady off her feet with your romantic proposals, you would.”

Jack held his beer up to her, as if to toast. “My dear Samantha, you have no idea how romantic John J O’Neill can get.”

As confusion, then curiosity, then intrigue flashed across Sam’s face, Jack felt a surge of satisfaction. Even if they kept the pause on any commitment for now, that glimpse into her emotions was something he was going to savour for at least the next two years. He covered the resulting smirk with another sip of his Heineken.

“Ok,” Sam said as she leaned forward, put her feet on the floor and the beer down in front of her.

“Ok, what?” Jack asked.

“Ok, romance me, O’Neill. How do we make this happen?”

It took them only 20 minutes to hammer out the details. Sam had two weeks leave already approved to allow her to get her personal affairs in order before going to the Pegasus Galaxy. Jack had more than enough leave stacked up, leave he was going to have to use before he retired. They would meet at Sam’s place in Colorado Springs and then head up to Jack’s cabin in Minnesota.

It was a few days later, during a phone call in which Carter bemoaned having to leave her beloved bikes behind, that Jack hit on the best idea he’d had in quite some time.


	4. Minus 29 Days: Terms and Conditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been years and years of glances and touches and things unsaid.

**Minus 29 Days: Terms and Conditions**

Jack checked the time again. It was getting on for 21:00 in D.C., Sam should be home by now. Flicking open his phone, he held down her number on his speed dial.

"Hello, Sir."

"Hey kiddo. How's things?"

"Oh, you know. The usual, really."

"It was great seeing you yesterday."

"I think so, too, Sir."

"Sam ..." Jack prompted her.

Sam let out a sigh, "Yeah, this is going to take a while."

"So let's practice. How you doing, Sam?"

"Keeping busy, Si-. Jack." Sam's tone twanged with frustration.

"Well. We'll get better at it."

"I guess so." Sam took a deep breath. "Look, I didn't get a lot of sleep on the plane, so I'm aiming for an early night."

"It's only 20:00?"

"Well, long day, you know. And a long night, last night."

"Time well spent, I hope," Jack was beginning to feel Sam had doubts about their conversation from the night before. "Sam, if you want to talk some more, we can."

There was silence on Sam's end of the line. Jack waited.

"I think, maybe," Sam faltered, "That I need some time to think about it more."

"Yeah?" Jack asked, cautiously. "If you need time, that's ok. I did surprise you with my news, yesterday."

"Yes. And also," Sam's voice wobbled a little, "And you surprised me, about still wanting to ..."

"Be with you? See if we could finally work this out?"

"Yes," Sam agreed. "It's been a long time since we talked about it. I wasn't sure, if you still felt ..."

Jack leaned back on his couch and spent a moment gathering his thoughts. "Yeah, I was a bit stupid to just spring it on you, last night."

"Just, unexpected."

"I know. I've been thinking about it a lot. I guess. I thought, hoped you would be, too."

Sam hesitated, before saying softly. "I do, Jack, I do. All the time. These last few years, have been ... bittersweet."

"Why's that?"

Jack heard Sam moving around and then a slight whoosh of breath as she sat down somewhere.

"When we talked, after dad died, I had hope for the future. I guess, I needed some time to grieve and so it didn't seem the right time to start anything. And then, I got comfortable with the idea and just focused on work. And now, I realise that I've gotten so used to not feeling ..."

Jack mentally kicked himself for being such an ass.

"I'm not sure I see a way back to what I thought that we had. It was so ... freeing at the time. Now, I don’t know."

"Are you saying that," Jack searched for the right words, "That you don't want to be together?"

"No, no." Sam was adamant. "I'm saying that maybe I don't know how to be with someone, how to feel it. Jack, I want to try, I just don't know if I can."

"Ok," Jack stalled a little for time as he tried to make sense of what Sam was saying. "What do you want to do? What can I do? Sam, if it's not going to work out, then that's ok. I'd rather we got that out there, now."

"I’ve been thinking about it, since last night."

“What have you been thinking?" Jack asked, wary.

Sam let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry for this, I know it's a lot to ask."

"Go on," Jack prompted softly.

"I rushed into things, with Pete. Got physical too fast. And you and I ... we've never really dated, it's just been years and years of glances and touches and things unsaid."

"So ..." Jack thought back to last night. "When I offered to romance you ..."

"That's why I said, yes."

"Sam," Jack moved the phone close and spoke softly to her, "When I said that, I meant it. You deserve, we deserve, the chance to try and have a proper relationship. We could've had a fling, a couple of nights in bed, years ago. And I'm sure it would have been a good time. But that wasn't ever what I wanted. I wanted it all and I want for you to have it all. Wined, dined, fished, dished ... whatever it is that we work out together."

A long drawn out breath on the other end left Jack wondering.

"Is that still what you want, Sam?"

Sam's voice wavered. "Yes," she sounded relieved. "It's what I want with you."

"Then let's go from there. Clean slate."

"Ok." There was a smile in Sam's voice. "Let's start from the beginning."

  


* * *

  


When she got home the next day, there was a bouquet waiting on her doorstep.

_From the beginning - Jack_


	5. Minus 26 Days: The Space Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He filled the space between them with inconsequentialities, it was just important that there was a voice there with her, in the middle of the night.

**Minus 26 Days: The Space Between**

_Slumped to the floor, Martouf held out his hand._

_“Samantha, please.”_

_Sam watched her hand lift towards him, the gold fingertips of the ribbon device glinting in the fluorescent lights. Zantash was unconscious. Sam knew that Martouf was close to death._

_Her voice was pained to her own ears. “I don’t want to, Martouf.”_

_“Then don’t, Sam, you don’t have to.”_

_His words were gentle, despite the pain._

_“I know you don’t mean it.”_

_In the recesses of her mind, she felt the lurking presence. Suddenly, it flared and what was Sam fled in terror as Jolinar came to life and looked down on to the face of Zantash’s host and thought how she hated them both. Hated them with a roaring intensity that left Sam cowering in fear, lest that horrific fury be turned on herself._

_A sob caught in Sam’s throat as she watched while Martouf, pinned by the ribbon device, fixed his eyes on her. “Sam, this isn’t you, don’t let Jolinar do this.”_

_Her left hand came into view and she saw it held her sidearm. Inexorably, she raised it until it was pointed squarely in Martouf’s face. How she detested this weak little human, his soft voice, his pale skin. He had been such a poor vessel for Zantash, had twisted her mate into a weak, snivelling pile of cowardice. Pain and shame crashed through her mind as the sounds and smells of Netu reminded her of where he had let her rot, where she was forced to betray the body of her host to simply exist._

_Jolinar gloated as she squeezed Sam’s finger on the trigger. Sam found herself screaming, unheard but in her own mind, for Jolinar controlled her body now and she was going to get her revenge._

_“Martouf!” Sam screamed with all her might._

She was sitting up in her bed, the stillness, the sudden dark left her disoriented. Her heart was racing, her legs twisted in the sheets. Her throat felt raw and she wondered if she had been screaming.

The nightmare came back to her with a horrific jolt. She knew she was in her own bed, that Jolinar had forgiven Martouf and Lantash, had taken the mission knowing that no rescue was possible for her.

But she could hear Lantash and Martouf, in Martouf’s soft, patient voice, begging her to stop, telling her that they loved her. That they forgave her.

Overwhelmed with horror, Sam struggled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom where she vomited repeatedly until it seemed there was nothing left for her to bring up. She washed her face and staggered back to bed, falling on her pillow. Lying there, she tried to keep the images and words from repeating, but she seemed helpless to stop them.

On her nightstand, the light of the clock face limned her phone in green. Hands shaking as she reached for it, she flipped it open and pressed the message button, scrolling through names until one made her stop.

_Hey_ she texted into the middle of the night.

A minute passed, perhaps two, and the phone rang. She pressed the answer button.

His voice sounded rough, sleepy. “Hey kiddo.”

The sound of him, that familiar greeting let loose a sob in her chest that she fought down. Sam reached for words, her voice shaking. “Hey Sir.”

There was a change in his tone, a scrape as he readjusted the phone on his end. “How’s it going, Carter?”

The darkness and horror rose up again and she curled her legs tight up into her chest. “Ah. Not so great,” she quavered.

“Yeah,” O’Neill agreed. “Sounds like a rough one you got going there.”

“Real rough one, Sir.”

“Hey Carter, I need you to do this. Listen, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Put a light on. Your lamp is fine.”

“Dunno if I can move, Sir.”

“You can Carter, do it now. Put on the light.”

The ingrained response to command did what it did for nearly every soldier. Though her limbs were heavy and the urge to stay hidden, out of range, was strong, the response to command was stronger.

Sam reached over, pulled herself half up and clicked on the lamp. “It’s on, Sir.”

“Good one, Carter, good one. Now I need you to sit up.”

Again, slowly, limbs heavy, she dragged herself into a sitting position, wrapping her free arm around her knees. “Ok.”

“Good work, Carter. Now we’re going to do this together, alright? Breathe in when I do. Breathe out when I do.”

O’Neill began to slow his breathing, making it deliberate, steady. Carter found herself joining, following his pace and inexorably slowly, the thready, frenetic beat of her pulse began to calm. Her body followed the cues and slowly dragged her mind with it, until the nightmare began to fade.

She had lost track of time, breathing in and out with O’Neill. His commands to breathe and focus on the light, given in his firm and gentle voice, walked her heartbeat by heartbeat out of the nightmare.

“Heya,” she finally heard him say. “Welcome back.”

“Thank you.” Carter’s voice was no longer so shaky, but it still felt raw.

“You want to talk, some?”

“No,” she answered firmly. “Can you just, talk to me? I’ll listen.”

“Of course.” Jack began telling her about the past few days, since she had seen him in D.C.. He filled the space between them with inconsequentialities, it was just important that there was a voice there with her, in the middle of the night.

When he was done telling her about work, he told her funny stories about the people in his apartment building. Mrs Kettering next door, fussing over her three cats and always trying to make him take her meatloaf. The unseen resident of the apartment by the lift on the second floor that either had a thing against lift passengers or perhaps an obnoxious parrot that screamed, “Go the fuck away,” whenever it heard the elevator ding.

“Sam?” The voice in her ear asked.

“Yeah?”

“You can sleep now. I’m going to talk until you’re out, ok?”

“Ok,” she said gratefully, not realising until that moment that she was afraid to lie down in case the nightmare returned.

“Call me, text, whatever, if it comes back, ok?”

“Ok.” Sam slithered down under the sheet, pulling up the comforter and dragging a spare pillow to her chest.

“Are you lying down, yet?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok,” he told her, “So my aide’s name is Kleiner, Senior Master Sergeant Kleiner. You remember him?”

“I met him at your office.”

“Yeah, that’s him. Loves tying me down with paperwork. So we were walking up to the third floor, going to see the Chief of Staff ...”

Sam let his words sink in to her, cloaking her in the familiarity of his tone and cadence. Good to his word, he talked until she fell asleep and then he hung up and probably got ready for work, she realised when she woke later in the morning. He’d sent her a text not long after the call had ended.

_Glad you called._


	6. Day 3: Lookout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoever said ‘Sir’ or ‘Carter’ first had to buy dinner.

**Day 3: Lookout**

The third day, he set a challenge for them both: whoever said ‘Sir’ or ‘Carter’ first had to buy dinner. Sam figured she’d have volunteered herself to buy dinner after the first mile. So did he.

They were both surprised to make it to lunch with the contest unresolved. Their B&B from the night before offered packed lunches, so Jack had shuffled things around in their panniers to make room while Sam checked them out.

The road had them climbing again, turning through long, slow curves, the promise of a decent view ahead at the top. Sam was in the lead and scouting for their lunch stop. Not long after they crested, she saw a pull off leading away from the road, a small sign indicating a picnic spot.

“On the left,” she told Jack over the headset. “Hopefully it’s got a nice view.”

“I’ve already got a nice view,” he replied.

“Oh, Sir, flattery will get you everywhere.” There was a pause. “Damnit. And dinner, apparently.”

They were still laughing as they parked up. Sam pulled off her helmet and ruffled her hair before stretching her arms above her head, tall and languid as she worked out the road kinks.

Jack stopped removing his saddlebags to watch her. He was still getting used to the idea that he could look without guilt or consequences. Well, negative consequences, he mused. There were some certain positive consequences in watching Samantha Carter do just about anything. Like the way her leathers made her body into one delicious curve after another.

Used to Carter in BDUs, motorcycle Sam was having a whole range of positive consequences for him. Jack had to turn away and focus on getting their lunch, lest any more positive consequences, say consequences without clothing, were to accidentally happen.

They eschewed the picnic table for a boulder and a patch of grass in the sun, both sitting on their jackets, backs against the rock.

“Beats MREs,” Jack observed through a mouthful of sandwich.

“When did you last eat an MRE?” Sam scoffed.

“I still go through the Gate,” Jack protested.

“Yeah. As a special guest or a dignitary. No MREs for Major General O’Neill.”

“Hey, no one forgets MREs. What’s your favourite, again? Apricot Chicken?”

“Ugh,” Sam said with disgust. “Don’t even joke about that, you’ll put me off my lunch.”

“Oh, I doubt I could do that. Look at how much you loved that roast lizard thing on P7C-whatsit.”

“That thing where they asked me to crack open the skull and eat the ....” she laid her sandwich down and swallowed. “Ok, job well done,” she told him scornfully. “And there was cake, too.”

Jack chuckled and squeezed her thigh briefly before continuing to eat his sandwich with gusto. “More for me, then.”

“Bastard,” she cursed with affection. “Watch it or I’ll start ‘Sir’ing you again.”

He grinned widely and kept eating his sandwich. Sam sipped her drink trying to think about something else, something other than the spongy green organ that she had been offered to her as a delicacy on the matriarchal planet.

Watching her try to control her stomach, Jack felt repentant. “When they sent us on missions with Apricot Chicken, we used to hide the other MREs from you,” he confessed to her, a sort of apology.

“I know,” Sam turned to him, smiling slyly. “You guys weren’t that subtle. I, on the other hand, always had a few spares at the bottom of my pack.”

Jack looked honestly surprised.

“You all hated looking in my stuff, just in case any girly froufrou should jump out and bite you.”

“Girly ‘froufrou’?” Jack repeated, his eyes travelling to the usual places such items might be worn. “I don’t mind girly ‘froufrou’.”

“Eyes up, General,” she teased him.

Jack pouted and whined, “I’m retired.”

“Not yet,” she laughed.

“Ok, _almost_ retired.”

“Look, cake,” she said as she passed him her share.

“Ooooh,” Jack responded, eagerly taking it.

“Simple man, simple needs,” Sam quipped.

Jack gave her a self-satisfied grin, leant back against the boulder and casually ate her cake. As Sam watched him, Jack let out an, “Mmmmm,” and began licking his fingers clean.

Sam was eyeing him with a look he didn’t recognise.

“Sam?” Jack wondered. “You can have my cake, if you want.”

Sam swallowed, turning her body toward his.

“Something else?” He ventured. “I’ve got some Starburst in my pocket.”

A smile tickled the corners of Sam’s mouth, “Nah.” She leaned closer.

“Well, if you’re not hungry ....” Jack shrugged and leaned in to meet Sam.

Sam parted her lips slightly and the tip of tongue darted out, catching the crumbs hovering below his mouth. As her hand cupped his cheek, she cleaned her tongue and then swiped the tip of it upwards, across his lips, slightly parted in surprise. Her thumb stroked his cheek as she returned for a third approach, meeting Jack’s parted lips with her own, an agile tongue teasing and exploring while her hand slid into the hair at the base of his neck.

Snaking an arm around Sam’s back, Jack grasped pliant flesh, sliding her closer, stroking her hair with his free hand. He breathed in deeply of the smell of Sam and let his tongue meet hers, returning the darting teases, beginning to chase her, deepening the kiss.

Raising up on one knee, Sam slid across Jack’s lap and Jack used his grip on her rear to pull her in tight and close. Using the new found leverage, she pushed her tongue deep into Jack’s mouth, her other hand digging into his hair, running its short strands between her fingers and holding him firmly to her mouth and body.

Without checking in with his brain, Jack’s hips pressed up into Sam’s own, leaving neither of them in doubt of his state of arousal. Reluctantly, Sam drew back, resting her forehead against his, her hands still caressing his hair and skin.

Jack’s hands held her firmly, pressing deep as they stroked at her back and then sinking to grip her ass as the kiss ended.

After catching his breath, Jack said softly to her, “If you keep squirming like that we’re going to get real familiar real fast.”

“Sorry,” she whispered to him and tried to still her hips. Everything below her waist seemed determined to take over the pace of things and she wasn’t quite that ready. At least not ready enough to strip off and fuck Jack for the first time here in the open. Greedily, she wanted something more private, so she could take her time getting to know all the sounds he made and the secret places that drove him crazy.

Jack squeezed her ass and slid his hands further under her, his fingertips against her crotch seam. “No need to apologise. I just thought a little public service announcement was in order.”

It took every bit of control Sam possessed to keep still and not grind herself into his fingers. “Jack ...” she warned softly.

Jack laughed with the pleasure of exploring her reactions and slid his hands back up, resting them on her hips. “Better?”

“Just,” Sam smiled and laughed with him. “I have no idea where that came from,” she told him as she tried to slow her racing pulse with long, slow breaths.

Jack watched the flush creep up from under the neck of her shirt. With light fingertips, he brushed the skin as it reddened and then leaned in to place gentle kisses below her jaw. A glance upward showed him Sam had her eyes closed, chin tilted up, so he trailed his kisses lower, pushing aside the fabric with his nose. The tip of his tongue traced the line of her collarbone until it met her bra strap. Then he bit her skin delicately and applied suction with his lips.

The tightening of Sam’s knees straddling him told Jack that he was on the mark, so he trailed his fingers downwards, resting his palm on the upper slope of her opposite breast. His fingers caressed the sensitive skin through her shirt, tracing the line of her bra strap. When Jack broke the suction, he was rewarded with a deliciously throaty moan that was going to stay with him for quite some time.

Leaning back against the rock, Jack tilted his head and gazed at Sam. “Very nice view.”


	7. Minus 24 Days: Math

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was going to tell you about my dream. But I don’t think it’s an in your office kind of thing.

**Minus 24 Days: Math**

The _thunk_ of her phone hitting the floor ended the dream. It had been a particularly good one and left her feeling warm with the pleasant emotional afterimage of a sleepy orgasm. Sam would rather stay cocooned in sheets and pillows and savour the feeling a bit longer, but duty found her groping over the edge of the bed to find her wayward cell.

An incoming message had made the phone vibrate right off her nightstand and on to the floor. Sam smiled when she read it.

_Hey._

_Hey yourself,_ she replied.

Within a minute, it rang. Sam answered it. “Hey, again,” she greeted Jack, lying back down.

“Hey, good morning,” Jack chirped at her.

“You’re cheery,” she observed.

“I am feeling good today. You know what’s got me feeling good today?”

Chuckling, Sam replied, “I’ve got no idea, but I’m guessing that’s why you called.”

“I did some math.”

“Well no wonder you’re pleased with yourself,” Sam teased.

He ignored her and went on, “I did some math and I got a good answer. It’s 24. What do you think?”

Sam puzzled it over, trying to put some significance to the number. “Nope,” she finally told Jack. “I got nothing.”

“24 days until I’m on vacation.”

“Ahhh,” Sam smiled. Knowing Jack was looking forward to seeing her added a pleasant layer to her sleepy feelings. At least, she hoped that was what he was saying.

“It’s going to be great. There’s going to be fishing, and beer and a fire and everything.”

“Wow,” Sam observed, “Sounds wonderful.”

“And I’m going to be spending some time with someone super special.”

“Daniel’s going with you?” Sam wondered.

“Some person specialer.” Good moods led to Jack mangling language. As did bad moods.

“That sounds pretty great. How long again did you say?”

“24 days.”

“You should tell me about it when you get back. Of course, it will have to be in email, since I’ll be in Pegasus by then.”

“Email’s going to cramp my style.”

Sam didn’t want to think about that part of being on Atlantis, not when she was still feeling warm from her dream and Jack’s call.

“Where are you?” She asked, taken by a sudden impulse.

“In the office.”

She sighed. “Pity.”

Jack was intrigued by what he thought might be a pout in Sam’s tone. “Why?” He wondered, lowering his voice.

“I was going to tell you about my dream. But I don’t think it’s an in your office kind of thing.”

Now Jack was pouting. “Pity,” he agreed.

Sam glanced at the clock. “And I gotta go and get ready for work.”

Jack smiled, “No rest for the wicked.”

“You would know,” Sam retorted.

“I do, indeed. Hey, Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“24 days.”

Sam grinned. “Talk to you soon,” and hung up.


	8. Minus 23 Days: You’re Older Than You’ve Ever Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She thought about lying to him, but his voice in the night was all she had right now.

**Minus 23 Days: You’re Older Than You’ve Ever Been**

_Her father slumped against the tree, weak, Lantash barely holding on._

_“Dad, please. Let us carry you.”_

_“I won’t survive, Sam, Lantash is dying.”_

_“Please,” she begged him._

_Teal’c laid a hand on her shoulder. “We must go, Major Carter. Your father wishes to make this sacrifice for his people.”_

_“No,” Sam sobbed. “Please. Lantash, tell him to come with us.”_

_Jacob held his hand out to her. Sam took it, unable to hold back the tears. “Tell Mark and the kids that I love them. And Sam, I love you. I’m so thankful to Lantash, to give us these years together. Don’t be upset with him, with us.”_

_Teal’c rested his hand on her shoulder. “We must go, Major Carter.”_

_Sam sobbed as she let go of her father’s hand, being propelled away by the insistent Jaffa._

_She looked back to see Jacob fingering the vial of symbiote poison. From the trees, the pursuing Jaffa fired on them._

_“Run,” Teal’c urged. “Draw them away.”_

_They pelted towards the Stargate, heedless of their own safety. Now all that mattered was ensuring her father’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain._

_Daniel was already at the gate, slamming his hand down on the symbols for Earth. The wormhole formed as they charged towards it. Daniel punched in the GDO code and yelled at them to keep on running._

_Staff blasts hit the ground behind them as they entered the gate. As they emerged in the SGC, General Hammond yelled at everyone to hold their fire._

_Sam sobbed as she stumbled down the ramp, catching herself on the railing at the bottom. From behind her she heard a slow, female laugh. Whirling around, Sam saw no one there, and then the wormhole closed._

_“Good,” the voice said. “Now it’s the turn of the Tau’ri to pay for their betrayal.”_

_From her vest pocket, Sam pulled another vial of poison, this one she knew would kill all humans in the base and, if it broke quarantine, most of Colorado and Nebraska, too._

_Jolinar laughed in her mind as she pushed Sam’s consciousness down and down, punishing her with images of her father and Lantash dying, writhing, frothing at the mouth as the symbiote poison killed them both._

_With an unvoiced cry, Sam screamed out for General Hammond, Teal’c, Daniel and none of them answered her. She was alone, forever alone and she was going to die while killing everything that mattered to her in the universe._

Falling and falling, Sam awoke, hearing herself sob. Her senses spun with vertigo and she clung to the mattress, trying to battle the feeling of spiralling out of control and the following waves of nausea. She struggled out of bed and barely made it to the bathroom, retching until she was dry.

Shivering so hard she had trouble breathing, Sam held on to the walls and furniture, before collapsing in her bed, dragging and pulling the blankets up to wrap herself tightly. Hands shaking she groped for her phone and pulled it under the covers.

Holding down the speed dial, she watched the number appear on the screen and put the phone to her ear.

“Heya.”

She cried at hearing his sleepy voice, a spur of safety in the midst of her terror. Sam clung to that voice, the tears falling, completely out of her control.

“Hey, Carter. I’m here. It’s not real,” Jack told her. “You’re safe, you’re safe. I won’t let anything hurt you.”

The words kept coming, neither Sam or Jack remembering exactly what was said, except that Jack talked unceasingly until she could finally speak.

“It’s so real.”

“I know,” Jack told her. And he did, he had his own demons that came in the night. “But that’s not real. This is. Me talking to you. You talking to me. You’re safe, I’m not going anywhere.”

Sam choked up again, the reply getting stuck in her throat.

“Carter, remember last time. Let’s turn on the light.”

Sam slowly crawled to the side of the bed and reached for the lamp. “It’s on, Sir.”

“Good job, Carter. You sitting up, yet? C’mon, let’s go.” Jack’s chivvying got her upright, still wrapped in the covers. And then he had her breathing with him again, bringing her body back under her own control.

“Way to go, Carter. How you doing?”

“Better,” Sam told him, her throat raw, but the shivering had stopped.

“You want to talk about it?”

Sam suppressed a sob, feeling her self control waver. “No, not really.”

“Alright,” Jack said patiently. “Shall I talk to you, again?”

“Please,” Sam attempted to straighten out the covers and lay down under them. “I’m just going to lie here and listen.”

“Are you warm?”

“Yeah, I am now. I was shivering so much.”

“Were you sick?” Jack’s concern was rising.

She thought about lying to him, but his voice in the night was all she had right now. “Yeah.”

“Last time, too?”

Sam sighed, trembling. She knew this didn’t sound good. “Yes.”

Jack paused, calculating whether she needed O’Neill or Jack at this moment. He fell back on tried and true.

“Carter, I need you to go see Dr Lam tomorrow.”

“Sir,” she began to protest.

“Go see her. This is her thing. It’ll be ok. Maybe you have an alien virus or something.”

That hadn’t occurred to Sam. “Alright. I’ll see her tomorrow.”

“Good. You want to keep talking?”

“For a little bit. I’m sorry for keeping you up.”

“I’m getting old now, Sam. And you know how old folks don’t need to sleep much.”

“You’ve been saying that you were old since I met you.”

“Well, it’s true!” he turned on the mock indignation. “And I keep getting older. Every day, older and older.”

Sam gave a tentative laugh and Jack plunged on, “Although I have been older and then I got younger again, just not younger enough. And I don’t even know how old I really am because I put on a whole lotta extra hours when that time loop thingie happened.”

“Well, Sir,” Sam switched into explaining mode without a thought, “The effects on your age are similar to if you’d been travelling near to light speed ...”

Jack let her go on explaining it to him, glad to hear her voice growing steadier and stronger as she slipped into the comfort of her techno babble. He lay back down in his bed and tried to picture her lying across from him, talking in the dark. If he closed his eyes, he could almost believe it.

Sam came to the end of her explanation, realising that she had probably lost him somewhere.

“Sir?” She asked.

“I’m here, Carter,” he told her, sleepily. “You know that camellia tea you like to drink at bedtime, sometimes?”

“Camomile, Sir.”

“Sure, that one.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Anyhow, I don’t need any.”

“Maybe you’re not as old and sleepless as you thought,” Sam teased.

“You’re hoping this old guy still has some juice in him?”

“I wouldn’t know about that,” she deflected.

“Well, you wanna talk until one of us falls asleep?”

“Sure,” Sam replied.

“Tell me about your next mission,” Jack prompted.

* * *

When the alarm went off, Sam checked her messages.

_22 Days. <3_

Sam wondered where he had learned the heart emoticon.


	9. Minus 22 Days: Doctor Approved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m only not calling you on the Sirs cause you’re at work.

**Minus 22 Days: Doctor Approved**

It was mid afternoon when her lab phone rang.

“Carter.” Sam picked it up, holding the report she was reviewing in her other hand.

“Hey kiddo.”

“Hello, Sir. How can I help you?”

“You alone?” Jack wondered.

“Yes, Sir.”

“I’m only not calling you on the Sirs cause you’re at work.”

“Aren’t you?” Sam asked.

“I’m in the car. I’ve got a meeting at the IOC.”

“My future employer.”

“That’s the one. Just remember you’re only on loan to them. The Airforce wants you back.”

“I’m not exactly leaving. It’s going to be more like having two chains of command for a while.”

“It’s not going to be easy,” Jack commiserated. “But they’ve chosen the right person for the job.”

“Dr Weir’s shoes are going to be hard to fill.” To most, that would sound like modesty, but there was an undercurrent of doubt in her tone, only distinguishable to someone who knew Sam well.

“They chose the right person, Carter. I saw the shortlist. No one came close to your experience or expertise. And Dr Weir held you in high esteem. I know the commendations she put on your file.”

“Thanks, Sir. It’s good to know.”

Jack left that topic alone for now. “Did you see Dr Lam?”

“I did,” she told him, cautious.

“She have anything to say?”

Sam breathed out slowly. “I have to wait until tomorrow for the final test results but there doesn’t seem to be an alien cause. She suggested seeing one of the psychologists. And she’s, she’s put me on anti-depressants.”

Jack nodded to himself, “Can’t hurt to try.”

“I guess not. She also said she would recommend some leave, but I already have that scheduled.”

Jack tried to lighten her mood, “So I’m doctor approved, now?”

“Don’t count on it. I’m supposed to be getting rest. I didn’t tell her our plans, obviously.”

Jack put a little pout into his tone. “But they’re such good plans.”

“I know, but I didn’t really think I should be telling her that I’m planning to spend two weeks with a Major General in his cabin in Minnesota,” she let out a sigh. “For multiple reasons.”

“ _Retiring_ Major General,” Jack protested.

“Which I still don’t understand,” Sam retorted.

Jack decided to leave that discussion for another time, given the building coming into view. “My stop’s coming up. I’ll probably be here until late. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

Sam took a deep breath. “That would be good.”

“Ok. Take it easy, Sam.”

“You, too, Sir.”


	10. Minus 21 Days: Mutual Idiots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your job is so boring,” he said, wistfully.

**Minus 21 Days: Mutual Idiots**

Pushing the door open, a bag of groceries in one hand and her mail in the other, Sam’s phone began to ring.

“Ok, ok. Hold your horses. I’m going as fast as I can.” Dumping the groceries and mail on the kitchen counter, she dug the phone out of her bag. Smiling as she recognised the number, Sam flipped it open.

“Hey there. Good timing, I just walked in the front door.”

“I know, the Base calls me when you sign out.”

“Not funny, O’Neill.” Sam scowled as she began unpacking the groceries.

“Too soon?” He asked.

“Always too soon. You know that creeped me the hell out.”

“I do,” Jack’s voice became serious. “I’m sorry.”

“S’ok,” Sam told him. “You’re just not that guy.”

“Glad I’m not. That guy was an idiot.”

“Pete was an idiot?” Sam asked, leaning against the counter.

“No, the guy I was then. I was an idiot to stand by while it happened.”

“You don’t need to apologise for that. I managed to be an idiot all by myself.”

“We were mutual idiots, then.”

That made Sam laugh. “Yeah, I guess we were.” It took her a minute to think of something to say. “You still at the office?”

“No. It’s 22:00 here.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re not.” She put a TV dinner in the microwave.

“Late nights happen less often here than at the SGC. Are you microwaving something for dinner?”

“Maybe,” She evaded and began opening her mail. “How was your day?”

“Why don’t you eat in the mess if all you’ve got waiting at home is microwave food?”

“Are we at that place, yet?” Sam wondered, tossing empty envelopes in the trash and clearing the counter.

“What place is that?”

“Where we tell each other to eat better and get to bed early and drive safe and all that.”

Jack paused before replying. “I hope that all my team members eat well and drive safe.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Do you want to be there, Sam?” He asked.

A shiver ran through her, the possible futures just out of her reach. “Maybe.”

“I do,” Jack told her.

Sam closed her eyes, her throat tightening. “I’m not ready. Not yet, Jack.”

“That’s ok,” his voice was reassuring. He listened to her breathing for a while. “So my day was good. Lots of paperwork, and then I had meetings!” His fake enthusiasm made her chuckle. And the microwave pinged.

“Well, I’m jealous. All I did today was resettle that village we rescued from the flood on P7C-623 last week.”

“Your job is so boring,” he said, wistfully.

“Totally sucks. But I have an exciting night planned, I’m packing boxes.” She carried her meal to the couch and balanced it on the arm while she ate. “Bet you wish you were here.”

“I do. Soon, hey?”

“21 days,” she agreed. “Soon and still so far away.”


	11. Minus 17 Days: Mission Report

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should spend some time with him, then. See if you two can work it out.

**Minus 17 Days: Mission Report**

It was 04:00 in Colorado when she dialled his number.

“Hey kiddo,” his voice sounded rough.

“Did I wake you?”

“No. Well, yes, but I was about to get up and go to the gym. You just get back?”

“A few hours ago. Just had a shower and cleared medical.”

“Mmmmm.”

Sam didn’t know if she was supposed to hear that or not. “I thought you were resting your knee.”

“Just going to do some upper body stuff. Physio gave me some routines I can do without stressing the joint. Are you in your lab?”

“How did you know?”

“Your voice echoes a bit when you’re there.” Jack stretched and sat up, the groans and joint pops of his waking routine audible to Sam. “You going home for some sleep?”

“Still unwinding. Thought I’d get a start on my mission report. And someone asked me to call him when I got back.”

Jack’s smile was evident in his tone. “What are you doing talking to me, then? Tell me about this mystery man who likes getting calls in the middle of the night.”

“It’s not the middle of night where you are.”

“How would I know which timezone he’s in?”

“Good point,” Sam replied, playing along. “Well, I’ve known him for a while. I think he’s interested in me, but it’s hard to tell.”

“You should spend some time with him, then. See if you two can work it out.”

“We’ve made plans,” she told him. “17 days.”

“17 days,” he affirmed.

* * *

When Sam got home there was small package waiting for her. She shook it, but it made no noise. Inside was a bag of her favourite camomile tea and a note.

_Sleep well - Jack_


	12. Day 3: Five More Minutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam squeezed his hand. “Why did I take so long to notice?”

**Day 3: Five More Minutes**

With great reluctance, Sam slid from Jack’s lap and flopped against the rock. His hand found hers, intertwining, his thumb caressing.

“I need a minute,” she told Jack. “Maybe five.”

His head cocked, Jack tried to suppress his delight and amusement at her current state. “Pretty shade of blush,” he teased.

Sam thumped his thigh with their joined hands and hopelessly tried to will the redness away.

“You started it!” He protested.

“So I did,” she smirked. “You need five minutes, too.”

He shrugged, looking nonchalant. “I’m used to it.”

Eyes wide, Sam turned and looked at him, both eyebrows raised.

“Around you, I mean.” Now Jack was mumbling and a suspicious flush was rising from his shirt.

“Really?” She challenged him.

“It’s not like it happens all the time. There’s just moments, when my guard is down.”

Turning her eyes back to the view, Sam wondered, “What kind of moments?”

“Oh boy,” Jack let out a long breath. “You really wanna hear this?”

“Tell me,” Sam said, her voice low. She shuffled closer, so their hips were touching.

“Damn,” Jack said softly. “Woman, what you do to me.”

“We can take more than five minutes.”

Easing out a sigh, Jack thought through what he could share without seeming like a creep. “When we got here and you took your helmet off and you stretched ...”

Sam smiled, “I saw you looking.”

“Well, guys are all fundamentally the same. Hot motorcycle chicks have been a thing since there were motorcycles.”

“True,” Sam agreed. “What else?”

“Your hair. Especially when it’s damp. You just smell so damn amazing.”

Sam brushed her fingers against his, listening, eyes on the view.

“In your blues, I love looking at you when you’re dressed up all formal. A few times I’ve ...”

“What?” She wondered.

“Wanted to find a closet.”

“Alone or with company?” Her teasing was gentle.

“With you,” he squeezed her hand. “God, very much with you. And the hat.”

Sam laughed at that. “It’s useless as headwear, so now I know why the brass keeps it in the dress code.”

“Again” Jack told her, “Guys all fundamentally the same.”

They both chuckled and then lapsed into thoughtful silence. Jack was now heading into the kinds of things he remembered in his dreams.

“When you wake up. I love watching you wake up. Maybe the thing I miss most about going off-world with you is that.”

Sam squeezed his hand. “Why did I take so long to notice?”

“I like to think it’s because I was subtle.”

Sam chuckled at that.

“What? I am!”

“You are, mostly. Except when it comes to pretty girls, which is why I wonder.”

Jack shook his head. “You were different. I respected you too much to compromise you as an officer.”

“And now?”

“I’m a lecherous old man, indulge me.”

Sam rolled her eyes.

“When you’re lost in thought,” Jack returned to his list. “You get a particular look and I just want to ... watch you forever. And, every now and then, I have this impulse to ...” He leaned over and kissed Sam, just below her ear. He trailed his tongue up to her earlobe and bit it, lightly.

Sam shivered, “That would be quite distracting.”

Jack brushed his fingers along the line of Sam’s jaw while playing with her earlobe, exploring it with tongue and lips.

Releasing her, he whispered, “That would be the point.” His head resting against hers, Jack continued running his fingers over her neck, “Seeing how long you could concentrate before you would break and ...”

Turning her mouth to his, Sam kissed him, mouth open, tongue finding his and responding, diving, hiding, doing with tongue what she longed to do with hands and body.

Jack held Sam close with his hand entwined in her hair. His tongue was pushing, searching, and his body followed, pressing in to hers, trying to communicate the depth of his longing.

They broke apart, panting, fighting for the same oxygen. Jack kissed her again and again, hungry for her lips, sucking on them before turning his face away, eyes closed tight. “Sorry,” he was short of breath, “I ...”

Sam kissed him silent with gentle restraint, laying one kiss upon another until Jack relaxed again.

“Maybe we should do our best to get back on the road and work out where we’re staying tonight,” she suggested.

“So no more kissing?”

“Not unless we still want to be here when it gets dark.”

“Well, we could ...” Jack contemplated.

“Only if you plan on sleeping alone, tonight.”

Jack pulled back to look at Sam, the question plain on his face.

“Got plans for this evening, O’Neill? I owe you dinner.”


	13. Minus 14 Days: The Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years is a long time to not do stuff like this.

**Minus 14 Days: The Invitation**

“I’m flying out tomorrow. Want to have dinner?”

“In the mess?” Sam asked, half a mind on the artefact that she was disassembling.

“I was thinking of something that doesn’t require a uniform.”

Suddenly, Jack had all her attention. “Just the two of us?”

“That sounds nice,” he agreed.

“I don’t think ... I mean, in town ... people know us.”

Jack took his phone off speaker. “I didn’t want to suggest your place. In case you thought that I had expectations.”

Sam’s pulse quickened and she picked up her own handset. “Do you have expectations?”

“Of delightful company and dinner? Sure.”

The silence grew long between them.

“Carter?”

“I’m here.”

“Everything ok?”

“Jack, I ...”

“Sam,” his voice was soft in her ear. “Let’s have dinner. No kissing, no touching. I just want to talk to you and be able to see your face at the same time.”

“This is hard,” she told him.

“I get it.”

“Ten years is a long time to not do stuff like this.”

“I know,” Jack said patiently.

“It’s like there’s a giant dam that I forget is even there most of the time.”

“That sounds like it’s going to be hard to break through.”

“Yeah. It is really hard.” Sam sighed, exasperated with the block to her own feelings.

“Seeing each other would help.” Jack suggested.

“I think so,” Sam agreed.

“I’ll organise it. What time?”

“20:00?”

“I’ve still got a key for your place. Ok if I let myself in?”

“You don’t want to go from here?”

“We’re recognisable, remember? Besides, there’s something that I want to show you”. Sam detected excitement in his voice.

“What’s that?” She wondered.

“It’s a surprise.”


	14. Minus 13 Days: Silver Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam was all business when it came to bikes, so it took a while for the other parts of her brain to catch up.

**Minus 13 Days: Silver Service**

It had been years since the original four members of SG1 had exchanged house and apartment keys to make it easier to take care of things if one of them wasn’t able to get home for a while.

Over time they had all collected mail for each other and cleaned potential new life forms out of the fridge and tried to save dying plants and deleted telemarketing messages off the answering machine. A few times, hard times, they had collected comforting things from home for hospital stays or stuff to pass the time in quarantine. And at the worst times, mostly for Daniel, they had boxed things up and reminisced and mourned for their lost team member.

But this was new for Jack. Not that he wanted to romance Daniel or T, but when he wanted to see those guys, he’d just picked up the phone and turned up with a six pack and a pizza. This was something different, he was approaching Carter from a new angle.

He was disappointed to see her house looking so bare inside. In typical Carter style, she was nearly packed up, even with four weeks to go. The place felt empty of her without her books and doohickeys around. It made sense to lease it out while she was in Pegasus, but seeing the house without her in it made him regret how long they had taken to get to this point.

She still had a table, though, and a couch. That would do for tonight. He didn’t look in her bedroom, although he wanted to.

But Sam needed time and he wasn’t going to rush her, even if she wouldn’t know.

At 19:45 the doorbell rang and he went to open it.

“This way,” he told them and two people followed him into the open plan kitchen and dining of Sam’s house.

“General O’Neill, you'd like it set up here, sir?”

“That’s it, thanks.” Jack watched as they spread out a white tablecloth and began laying out the silver service. The other caterer turned the oven on and put the prepared meals in to keep warm.

“Sir?” The young man addressed him. “Take everything out in ten minutes to be ready to sit down at 8 pm. Dessert is in the refrigerator. Is there anything else we can get you?”

“The wine?” He checked.

“Here,” The other waiter slid it into the ice bucket with a crunch. “Anything else, Sir?”

Jack shook his head, “What time tomorrow?”

“9 am, Sir.”

“I’ll make sure it’s ready. Thank you,” he told them as they packed up and left. He was anxious any sign of them be gone before Carter came home.

* * *

“O’Neill?” Sam’s voice came from outside, getting louder as the front door opened. “Sir?”

Jack hurried to meet her. “No ‘Sir’ing, Sam.”

Sam stood in the doorway and nodded absently. “Ok, Sir. Whose bike is that out front?”

Not bothering to correct her again, Jack got to the heart of his visit. “Mine.”

Sam whistled appreciatively, dropped her bag in the hall and headed back out to the street. Grinning, Jack shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans and followed.

Muttering data and statistics under her breath, Sam circled the new touring bike twice before coming to a stop beside it. Reverently, she reached out, fingertips caressing the seat.

“When did you get it?”

“First thing this morning. I caught the red-eye from Washington.”

“Sweet.”

Sam was all business when it came to bikes, so it took a while for the other parts of her brain to catch up.

“Hang on. Why did you pick it up out here? Wouldn’t you ride it more in DC?”

“I will,” Jack assured her, “After I ride it up to Minnesota.”

She worked it out pretty fast, “You want to ride up together?”

Jack shrugged casually. “I thought maybe we could take a few days, do some sightseeing along the way.”

“Ah,” Sam sucked her bottom lip in. Jack waited. “Alright. Sounds nice.”

“Just nice?”

“Could be good.” Sam turned to him and Jack took a guess at what might be worrying her.

“Seperate rooms. No pressure,” he repeated, “Just like at the cabin.”

“Ok,” Sam replied. “Where will we stay?”

“How about we work it out as we go. Then we can go as fast or slow as we want.”

Sam still appeared uncomfortable.

Jack took a guess that not having a firm plan, given how hard this was turning out to be for Sam, was the cause of her discomfort.

“Hey,” he stepped closer, being careful to keep air between them, “We can just go straight to the cabin, if you’d rather.”

O’Neill and Carter had been so often side by side in circumstances fraught, deadly or dangerous that Sam’s body responded instinctively, pacing out her breathing, letting her pulse settle so her head was clear and her aim steady. So ingrained was the reaction, that Sam reached to check the safety on her firearm and caught herself by surprise when she remembered that she wasn’t off-world. Or armed.

Sam leaned into Jack, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. Jack put his arm around her, holding her firmly.

“This is what I want. It is, Jack.”

“I know.” He kissed the top of her head, remembering too late his promise from yesterday. Sam didn’t seem to have noticed, or if she had, she didn’t mind.

“Oh crap,” Jack suddenly remembered the food still in the oven. “Hey, we need to go inside, ok?”

Sam straightened and looked toward the house, his tone had her on alert. “What is it?”

“C’mon,” he took her hand, “I’ve got dinner ready.”

* * *

He didn’t call her, he’d already warned Sam that he had an early start at the Pentagon. But when she woke, Jack had sent her a message.

_Hey, good morning._

_Hey, good morning,_ she replied.

She left the crate out on the porch for the catering people to pick up. The fancy dinner had been nice, but too short. Jack had left at 22:00 to fly back to Washington.

Sam drove into work, singing to the music turned up loud in her car.


	15. Minus 12 Days: Eurovision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I guess self-satisfaction at having saved Earth, the Universe and dozens of planets is your only reward.

**Minus 12 Days: Eurovision**

It was mid morning when Sam was surprised by Daniel as he stood in the doorway of her lab.

“Sam?” Daniel said loudly, his tone conveying that he had had to repeat himself, more than once.

Sam looked up, reverie broken. “Uh. Hi.”

“What’re you working on?” He wondered as he wandered over to her workbench.

“This,” Sam waved her hand generally at the disassembled components in front of her, temporarily unable to remember what name they had given the alien device.

“Must be something special if you didn’t hear me come in.”

“Oh, umm, it’s just so intriguing,” she tried to cover. “But it’s got me stumped, I’m still not sure what its purpose is.”

“Maybe it’s a musical instrument,” Daniel suggested.

“What makes you think that?” Sam re-examined the artefact pieces in front of her, looking for the clue she had missed.

“Well, you were humming.”

Daniel silently counted to five in his head, watching Sam try to come up with something.

“Oh that. I was just listening to music on the way in this morning.”

“Ah. That’s probably it, then.”

Sam was making a concerted attempt to not meet Daniel’s eyes.

“How’s Jack?”

“Oh good, I think. We didn’t get much time to talk on base, he was only out here for the day.”

“And off base?” Daniel wondered.

“Why do you ask?” Sam wondered, cautious.

“He sent me a picture of his new bike. I thought Jack might have mentioned it to you, given how much you guys like to talk about riding.” Daniel pulled his phone out of his pocket, scrolled to an email and showed her the attached photo.

Sam barely glanced at it. “Oh he did. Sent me the same picture this morning.”

“Sam,” Daniel said, “Look at the photo.”

“Daniel, I’m trying to ... work ... here,” Sam’s voice faded away as she took in the full photo. She lifted her eyes to Daniel’s, her ebullient mood dissolving.

“Yes,” he told her. “That house look familiar?”

“It’s my house,” Sam agreed.

“Yes. And Jack flew back to D.C. last night. And only picked the bike up yesterday morning. The shadows are long, so I’m guessing it was late. After 7, some time?”

“Fair guess,” Sam had to concede, her mind racing, trying to come up with a cover story.

“Sam,” Daniel said insistently.

“What?” Sam asked, panic creeping into her tone.

“Jack is retiring, it doesn’t matter any more.”

“What are you? You aren’t suggesting, I mean, people would say ...” the panic was taking hold and Sam was babbling.

Daniel walked over to close the door and returned to lean on Sam’s workbench. “Sam, this is good. It’s a good thing. You both want this, right?”

Sam looked as if Daniel had slapped her. “What are you talking about?”

Reaching over, he took Sam’s hand. “Hey, this is me talking. I’m not military, remember? And I’ve known both of you for just about forever. We’re more than a team, we’re family. And we’d be pretty poor family if we didn’t look out for each other.”

Sam felt her throat constrict and breathed in through her mouth, swallowing, trying to push it down, whatever it was that was threatening to choke her.

“Oh, Sam, I’m sorry.” Daniel put his arms around Sam, rubbing her back. “I just got all giddy when I saw that picture. I had to come and get the full story. I thought that this would mean, you know, that you were happy.”

His gentle support reminded Sam that she hadn’t had a guilt free hug from anyone for a very long time. Suddenly loneliness and fear overwhelmed her and she found herself crying into Daniel’s chest.

Daniel let her cry until it seemed the heaviest portion of her burden had passed. “Tell me about it.”

It all came tumbling out. The confession wandered back and forth, as she put bits of the story together for Daniel.

The number of times they had watched the other nearly die. The number of times they had watched the other really die.

When she first suspected she had feelings for her CO. When she first suspected her CO had feelings for her.

Then Jolinar and Martouf and then, long after that, Lantash. Her dad, saved by, and then dying for, the Tok’Ra. Losing Janet and feeling responsible for hurting Cassie, yet again.

The whole damn mess with Pete where she wasted so much time and energy trying to be someone that was less than her whole self and she knew it was a lie and she did it anyway and it had hurt all three of them, Pete and Jack and her.

And, then, her brief happiness when she and Jack had talked and eased each other’s pain and come to an understanding. But that had only led to a long, lonely winter where she had slowly walled herself off from Jack and from her own feelings.

And even sex was pointless now, as was masturbation, and she was so tired of it all and she just wanted to cry and fuck and orgasm and sleep.

Exhausted by the outpouring of emotion, Sam clung to Daniel and he, as always, was the rock she could tether herself to. He held her quietly, thinking, while Sam snuffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

Gently, Daniel began to tell her about Sha’re. Some parts of the story she knew, like how they met, what she showed him in the temple, how she had been taken by Apophis. But then he started telling her about the small things, the way she liked to laugh at him when he messed up some Abadonian custom. And how that didn’t make him feel belittled, but appreciated because she knew he was doing it for her as an expression of love. And she loved him for it.

Daniel went on, holding Sam close and rubbing her back. In the silence of her lab, Daniel told her how much they had wanted a child, many children, and how much they had looked forward to Skaara having children and what joy it would have been for Kasuf to be surrounded by his grandchildren who lived on a planet at peace, because Daniel and Jack had saved them from Ra.

“It was naive,” Daniel told her, “But at the time, I truly thought we had brought them peace and freedom.

“After Apophis took her and then she came back, not pregnant with our child, but with one forced upon her ... I walled myself in.

“For the longest time, I put a brick in that wall every morning and every night. After every good mission, after every bad one, I tried to build that wall higher and stronger to keep the world out.

“And in the end it did nothing but hurt me and a whole lot of people that I care about because we are not born to be alone, locked away from everyone and everything.

“And as much as Sha’re owned my body and soul, I learned that the soul grows larger. It grows large enough to love her and honour her and cherish her for the rest of my life. And to love Shifu. And to love you, and Jack and Teal’c and Cassie.

“Building a wall didn’t protect me at all. The wall you guys are for me, holding me up and protecting me and letting the world in when it is right and keeping it out when it is wrong - I couldn’t do that for myself. I had to accept it from you.”

Daniel held Sam close, resting his cheek on her hair. “We’re your wall, Sam. You don’t need another one.”

“God, Daniel,” Sam asked, her voice thick with pain. “Why do so many people die around us? I’m so tired of grieving.”

“For their sacrifice to be honoured, there have to be people to remember. It’s been our role to tell those who remain what was given for their freedom. We carry a lot of pain, but we also have people in our lives who can ease it.”

“You think I’m shutting Jack out.”

“It’s one possible explanation.”

“What else, then?” Sam asked.

“I think, maybe, that you’ve shut everyone out.”

Sam sat in silence, thinking that over.

“Shutting out Jack has been easy, and Teal’c, too. Maybe they haven’t noticed so much because they are occupied in other places. But when did we last have a Gilmore Girls marathon with Cass or stay up all night watching Eurovision?”

If she was honest with herself, she couldn’t remember when. Just the welcome relief of a hug from Daniel should have told her something.

“To love others we have to let love in. I know you’re afraid of being hurt again, but let us love you. Let Jack love you. You’re not alone in the universe, we won’t allow it.”

“Vala would like Eurovision,” Sam thought, suddenly. “We could show it to her next year.”

“Do you get TV broadcasts in the Pegasus Galaxy?”

“Oh,” Sam was surprised she’d forgotten about Atlantis. “I guess not.”

“I’ll tape it. And we can watch it when you’re back. Bring Jack.”

“Oh no, he would loathe it. We would have to sit there through all his mockery.”

“We’ll sit him next to Vala, then. You know that’s all she’s going to do.”

“Yeah,” Sam smiled. “We could tape the two of them watching it and sell it to Funniest Home Videos or something. We’d make millions.”

Daniel chuckled. “We would. But we probably couldn’t. Vala would say all sorts of things that would be classified.”

“Right. Damn,” Sam said. “There goes my plan to be a millionaire.”

“You’ll be able to cash in all your patents, some day.”

“Nope. All my work is owned by the good ol’ US of A.”

“Damn,” Daniel observed. “I guess self-satisfaction at having saved Earth, the Universe and dozens of planets is your only reward.”

“Yup. Guess I’ll have to be happy with that.”

“Are you?” Daniel asked. “Are you happy?”

Sam thought about it for a long time. “I could be, Danny. I could be.”

Daniel gave her another squeeze. “Let us help you. Let Jack help you. Trust us.”

Grimacing, Sam sighed. That was the crux of it. “I’ll try.”

He hugged her one last time and whispered in her ear. “We’ve got your back, Sam, always.”

Sam teared up again and returned his affection, hugging him tightly. “I love you, Danny. Thank you.”


	16. Minus 12 Days: The Small Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You outed us to Daniel.

**Minus 12 Days: The Small Things**

When Sam saw the number she nearly didn’t answer it. It got to the last ring before she picked up.

“You outed us to Daniel.”

“Hey, nice to hear you too, Carter.”

“He came straight to my lab as soon as he’d figured it out.”

“Woah there, back up. What happened with Daniel?”

“You sent him an email, this morning,” she said.

Jack recognised that he was in trouble. Sam was using her ‘talking to idiots’ tone, which she only used when she was annoyed, typically with him or some junior scientist. “Yeah, I did.”

“So you took that photo in front of my house.”

“Yeah, I did,” Jack didn’t quite see the problem.

“Well he’s not stupid, Jack. He figured out you must have been there last night. And you know we’ve always been pretty careful in the team about inciting rumours, so when he realised you were there, alone, he knew you were up to something.”

The guys had had a practice, since the team began, of never socialising with Sam alone. She was mad when she first found out about it, but over the years Sam had come to appreciate the insulation it offered her career and reputation.

“Ok.” Jack said slowly. “Carter, I don’t get what you’re saying.”

“He thinks we’re, you know ...”

“Friends?”

Sam sounded annoyed again. “You know I mean more than friends.”

“Well. As you said, Danny’s not stupid.”

“Sir,” Sam was exasperated again.

“Carter. _Sam_. What is this really about?”

That stopped her in her tracks. “How can you say that, Jack? People are going to know.”

“Sam,” he said, patiently. “First, if Daniel has just worked it out then everyone else is still a long way behind and second,” Jack hesitated. “I don’t mind if people do know, at some point. I’m going to be retired.”

Her mouth dry, Sam went into the kitchen for some water.

“Unless we are particularly blatant, it’s going to be a while, though. So what’s really worrying you?”

When there was no answer from Sam, Jack asked, “What did you and Danny talk about?”

Sam’s throat constricted, all the tumbling emotions and words from earlier threatening to choke her again. She lowered herself to the floor.

Noting the increase in the volume and frequency of her respiration Jack sighed to himself. He was right on the money.

“Hey,” he said soothingly. “That’s good. You’ve been needing some Danny time.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked him, her voice cracking.

“He was telling me you’ve been pretty busy the past six months. He’s missed you.”

“Yeah,” Sam’s voice was thick. “He told me that, too.”

“And it seems like you’ve had something ...” Jack hesitated, changing tack. “It can be good to talk things out. And Danny’s good for that, cause he’s easy to talk to.”

“He is,” Sam agreed, letting out a long sigh.

Frankly, Jack was glad Daniel had finally taken the initiative to call Sam out on her isolation. He’d missed how bad it was what with being in D.C. and not seeing her around the base everyday. Put it down to Sam going through a madcap project phase, which she did every now and then.

But when Daniel had pointed it out yesterday, he could see emails unanswered, invitations to catch up turned aside and infrequent, but chatty, phone calls fading into none at all. When she came out to D.C. to accept the Atlantis position, he’d been excited about his retirement plans, excited to be moving on. He’d not seen whatever burden this was that Sam was carrying around. The conversation they had shared the next day was making him wonder if there was a bigger cause of her reluctance.

At first, Jack was thinking that it was just the wear and tear of the geographical distance between them, and he had thrown himself into repairing that over the past few weeks. Despite his efforts, Sam seemed to be growing more distant.

“Sam. If the nightmares are so bad, maybe you need to see one of the shrinks.”

“It’s not,” her voice cracked and she swallowed, trying to clear it. “It’s not the nightmares. Not just the nightmares.”

Jack waited, not speaking.

She tried not to sob with frustration. The words were there, she knew them. Needed to say them. Pulling her knees in tight to her chest, she lay her forehead down. “I’m so scared,” she whispered.

“Yeah?” He asked softly.

“I don’t want to lose anyone else.” She drew a deep, shaking breath, “Can’t. Can’t do it anymore.”

“Yeah,” Jack acknowledged.

“I just don’t want to feel it anymore. I don’t want to miss people anymore. I don’t want to say goodbye to someone in the morning and see their body bag that afternoon. I’m done, Jack. I’m done.”

Her voice, the deep despair, scared Jack. Scared him badly.

“I know, Sam,” he said softly. “We’ve seen more than anyone ever should. It’s not fair that we have to live with it.”

Glad he’d called her on the landline, Jack reached for his mobile and began composing a message.

Listening to Sam’s shaky breathing, he continued talking to her as he waited for a reply. “All we can do is keep hoping that we’re doing more good in the universe than bad. And we have, Sam. There’s so much we’ve done, so much you’ve done.”

“I know. But I don’t want to lose you, too.”

 _On my way now_ , the reply came to Jack’s message.

“Hey now,” he told her, “I’m the one with the desk job. I’m not going anywhere any more.”

“God, Jack. I miss you. I miss having you here.”

“I know. I’m sorry that I left you.”

“No. Nononono,” the last came out as a sob. Sam took a deep breath. “I’m glad you went. So glad. So proud of you. I wouldn’t have you not do that. I don’t even know why you’re retiring now. For us, for me, it just seems like a waste.”

Jack sighed, wondering how to share that he was also weary and exhausted by the toll of seeing people under his command and his friends and allies die.

“I’m being selfish, Sam. That’s all there is to it. I want a different life. I’m getting old and although I’ve always been cranky, I’m really tired of being alone. I want to be with you, just as long as you want to be with me.”

“What’s the difference, when I’ll be gone in Pegasus? God. I won’t even be able to call you, you, when ...”

“We’ll know. I’ll know. I think that matters, Sam. The small things, between people, that’s what keeps us going.”

“Yeah,” she acknowledged, straightening her back against the kitchen cabinets, feeling the ache from being curled over between her shoulder blades. “I don’t know how to do that anymore, Jack. I think I’m broken.”

“Not broken,” he said tenderly. “In need of a service.” He grimaced at the innuendo, “In need of repair.”

Jack’s heart eased a bit when he heard Sam chuckle, even though it was rough and gravely.

“God knows I could use a bit of that, too.” The cracks in the dam were letting her say anything. “I can’t even fuck myself right, anymore.”

“Yeah?” He teased, tentative, “I know a guy ...”

Sam laughed, wiping away tears.

“Who, in service of his country, of course ...”

She sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “Sounds like a good guy. He’s a flyboy?”

“At one time,” Jack agreed. He looked at his watch.

“I wish I could be there, Sam. So, I need you to do something.”

Sam picked up the change in his tone, “What?” She asked.

“Forgive me for calling Daniel and then spend the night eating pizza and watching Gilmore Girls with him?”

Sam was exhausted, she couldn’t work out what Jack was saying. “Daniel’s not here.”

“He will be,” Jack told her. “Soon, with pizza and ice cream.”

“How would he ...” Sam still couldn’t work it out.

“I sent him a message while we were talking. He’s on his way now.”

“Oh.” Sam paused. Yesterday, she would have railed at him for doing that without asking. Today, she realised she had been keeping the team away from her, in case they might see how she really was feeling. “Thanks. I could do with some company.”

“I figured,” Jack told her. “I wish it were me, but Daniel’s a pretty good stand in.”

“I wish it were all of you. I miss those off-world nights. The nice ones,” she clarified.

“I do, too. You remember that time we taught T how to set his farts on fire?”

Sam laughed so loud, Jack was proud he’d remembered that one first.

“Or that mission where we kept taking Danny’s pens and he was trying to find the phasing life form that was doing it?”

Sam giggled, “I think he’s still mad about that.”

“He was so easy to rile up back then.”

“He was,” Sam agreed. “And gullible. He probably still thinks I was able to pick it up on my scanner.”

Jack was smiling to himself, mind back in those early missions where every outing was an adventure and they had seemed like a bunch of kids having a grand ol’ time joyriding on the Gate network.

Sam sighed. “I want to be new to it all again.”

“You need rest, Sam. You’ll get it back.”

Just then the doorbell rang. And then someone knocked.

Sam struggled to her feet as she heard the key turn in the lock. “Daniel’s here,” she told Jack, before yelling, “Coming, Daniel!”

“Don’t hang up yet,” Jack told her.

“Ok.” She went to help Daniel at the door.

“Hi, I, uh, thought I’d ...”

Sam interrupted Daniel, pointing to the phone still pressed to her ear. “I know. Still talking to Jack.” She reached out to take one of the shopping bags from him.

Daniel let her and then closed the door, following her to the kitchen.

“Two nights in a row you guys are saving me from the microwave,” she told Daniel and Jack, on the phone.

“If that’s what it takes,” they said in near perfect unison.

Sam laughed, “Now I know you guys are ganging up on me.”

Daniel shrugged looking non-repentant and Jack said, “You need a little taking care of, sometimes.”

“Thanks,” she said to them both.

“I wanna talk to Danny before I hang up. But before that, I need to tell you that I love you, Samantha. Call me before you go to sleep?”

“Ok,” she answered, feeling teary again. “I will.” Sam held the phone out to Daniel. “Jack wants to talk.”

Daniel gave Sam a long hug before taking the phone.

“Jack.”

“Hey Danny. Thanks for coming over.”

“Anytime,” he told Jack.

“I love you, too, space monkey.”

Daniel snorted, “Thanks, Jack. Talk to you soon.”

“See ya.” The line went dead.

* * *

Sam had fallen asleep on the couch, pillow half in Daniel’s lap while he rubbed her back and petted her hair and they watched Lorelai and Rory for three episodes. It reminded her of being 10 years old, watching a movie on the couch with her dad when she was sick, but it had also been a solace she needed.

It was around 1 am when Daniel woke her and helped her into bed.

“I need to call Jack,” she mumbled.

“I told him you fell asleep and were ok.”

“Oh,” Sam was groggy. “You going home?”

“Mind if I crash here?”

“Yeah, no. I’ll make some room.” Sam began wiggling over to one side of her bed.

“Ummm. I thought I’d sleep in your guest bed, Sam.”

“Oh, right.” She blushed, “Sorry, I didn’t mean.”

Daniel chuckled. “I know what you meant. If you need someone, though, I’ll be just next door.”

“Ok.” She began wiggling into her sheets, rearranging pillows the way she liked.

Daniel smiled and patted her hair. “Sweet dreams, Sam.”

“Mhmm,” she replied.

Daniel noted that she slept on her side, hugging a pillow. Seeing her look so tired and vulnerable, he felt a surge of love and concern. Sam deserved every possible happiness that could come her way and Jack adored her, that had been evident for years. They were both isolated by the rules and regulations that they held in such high esteem, which seemed an incredible injustice, given what they had been through because of their dedication to the Airforce.


	17. Minus 11 Days: Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know how I missed it for this long.

**Minus 11 Days: Patience**

Daniel was woken just after 6 am by his cell phone ringing.

“Morning, Jack,” he answered, swinging himself out of bed.

“Hey Daniel. Thanks again for last night.”

“I slept over,” Daniel told him, as he made his way out to the kitchen, checking Sam’s bedroom door was closed as he passed.

“In the guest room,” he added as an afterthought.

“How’s she doing?”

“Sleeping. No nightmares, at least that I heard.”

Jack sighed, worried. “I don’t know how I missed it for this long.”

“It’s Sam, Jack. She’d never give a hint that she was anything but the perfect officer. It’s only now that you’re making her look at herself that she’s beginning to let it show.”

“Should I come out there?”

“Like when?” Daniel asked.

“I’m off over the weekend.”

“What would Sam think?”

“I’m not sure,” Jack pondered. “Some days I think that she wants me there. Other days she’s keeping me at arm’s length.”

“She’s scared, I think. And confused. Sam knows you understand the toll of command but she also wants to be perfect. And you’re the person that she wants to always be perfect for.”

“She’s scaring me, Daniel. Last night, I thought, maybe, that she might hurt herself.”

Daniel started the kettle boiling for tea, opening cupboard doors until he found the mugs. “Did she see a grief counsellor?”

“When? For who?” They’d seen so many people die that Jack had trouble guessing which grief Daniel was referring to.

“After Jacob. Or anytime, really.”

“I think after Jacob, maybe for a couple of weeks. But the mission roster made it hard to keep up. I can check her personnel file when I get into the office.”

“I don’t know if you should tell me about that.”

“Right now, I don’t really care. I need to know if she needs professional help.”

Daniel sighed. “You’re right.” Maybe they did need to get her more help than their love and support could provide. “She talked a lot about Martouf and Lantash, yesterday.”

“God, that was an horrific mess,” Jack replied.

“And Janet.”

“She’s right, Daniel. It’s too much for one person, for any of us.”

Pouring hot water over the teabags, Daniel asked. “You know I support you both getting together, right?”

“Yes, Daniel. What do you want to say?”

“She’s not used to being with someone, being close. She’s been single a long time.”

“Not that long,” Jack corrected, “She was with Pete for nearly a year.”

“And look how that worked out. What I’m trying to say, Jack, is that she’s got very tight defences. I mean, she has to, to live with all that she’s been through. But she’s not got the same separation you do. She’s not good at keeping family on one side of the line and what we have to deal with on the other.”

Jack sighed as he listened.

“Which is why it was never going to work with Pete. The kind of life he wanted was sweet little wife at home while he was catching the bad guys. Sam was kicking badder ass than he was and she needed someone she could share that with and not worry that it would make him feel small.”

“So,” Jack asked heavily, “What do I do, Daniel?”

“What you’re doing, I think. Patience and don’t let her push you away. She will, because she’s terrified of letting you in and then losing you. That’s what happened with Martouf and Lantash. She had no choice but to love them, because of Jolinar, and it wounded her terribly deep, twice over. Then Janet, then Jacob and Selmak, then Pete. Maybe she can’t take another loss, Jack, at least not while she’s still wounded from the last ones.”

There was silence on Jack’s end for a while. Daniel heard him clear his throat.

“I think I will come out this weekend,” Jack’s voice was husky. “Can you, I don’t want to do it through Landry. Can you check the mission roster for me, see if she will be home?”

“Yeah, Jack, good idea. You still leasing your house?”

“Yes. Got some couple from Peterson living there.”

“If Sam, y’know, isn’t comfortable putting you up, you’re welcome at my place.”

Jack sounded grateful. “That’s nice, Danny, thanks. Staying on base could be awkward.”

“That’s what I was thinking. I’ll message you when I check the roster.”

“Great, thank you. I’ll let you know my flight details.”

“Sure, Jack. Talk to you later.”


	18. Minus 9 Days: Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His heart skipped a beat as she answered, her voice soft and sleepy. God, this woman owned him.

**Minus 9 Days: Arrival**

The phone buzzed with an incoming message as Jack turned it back on. He’d missed a call from Sam mid-flight, around 23:00. He dialled her number and walked out to the curb, keeping an eye out for Daniel.

His heart skipped a beat as she answered, her voice soft and sleepy. God, this woman owned him.

“Hey,” Jack said gently. “Sorry to wake you.”

“Don’t be. What time is it?”

“01:10.” Jack heard her shuffling around and assumed she was curling back up under the covers.

“Did you have to work late?”

“No, I caught a flight. Waiting for Daniel to pick me up.”

He heard the confusion in Sam’s question, “You’re out here?”

“I am, though I flew commercial. There weren’t any Airforce rides that I could hitch on.”

Sam chuckled, sounding more alert. “Slumming it with the plebs, General.”

“Well, I also wanted to fly under the radar, if I could.”

“Why’s that?” Sam wondered.

“When they know I’m out here I get dragged into SGC issues. I didn’t want that ruining my weekend.”

“Fair. What do you and Daniel have planned?”

“Not much tomorrow. He said you were both rostered on.” Jack tried to keep it casual.

“Yeah. I need to go in, I’m pretty busy winding up my projects and we’ve one last mission that I need to prepare the briefing for.”

“Do you mind if I come by and pick my bike up in the morning? I want to get some kit for the trip.”

“Sure. Don’t have to be up early, just let yourself in if I’m not here.”

“Early, that’s not a bad idea. Shall I bring breakfast?”

“Ok,” Sam said, smiling, “That sounds nice. 07:00?”

“See you then. Sleep well.”

“You too.”


	19. Minus 8 Days: Breakfast at Samantha’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think you’re ready for me in nothing but a frilly apron.

**Minus 8 Days: Breakfast at Samantha’s**

On his way to the mountain, Daniel dropped Jack off at Sam’s. They’d stopped for fresh bagels at their favourite breakfast joint, Danny saving his for later, Jack with a bag for him and Sam. Still warm from the oven, the delicious smells were making his stomach rumble.

He knocked on Sam’s front door before he saw the note.

_In the shower. Come on in._

Jack smiled as he turned the doorknob. He was going to assume that was not an invitation to join her in the bathroom. His libido, however, was happy to contemplate the idea until he gave it a mental slap. “Chill out there, bud,” he told himself as he shut the front door loudly.

Walking to her bedroom door, he yelled, “Morning, Carter!”

“I’ll just be a minute. Kettle’s hot.”

Landing breakfast on the counter, Jack wished he’d thought to get a coffee, he’d forgotten Sam didn’t drink it at home. Opening one of Sam’s canisters of tea, he gave it a sniff and wrinkled his nose, replacing the lid. Digging around in the cupboard Jack found some instant hot chocolate. That would have to do.

Sam arrived in the kitchen, hair damp, dressed in jeans and a zip up hoodie. Jack had just found the plates and knives and was setting the table. He stopped, in the middle of opening the bag of bagels, and smiled at her. Sam returned the smile, shyly, adjusting her top, and turned away to look at the mugs.

“Thanks for starting the tea,” Sam told him as she looked into the other mug. “Hot chocolate?”

Jack was mesmerised, watching her. Keeping his breathing low and slow, he resisted the urge to cross the room and embrace her and chase away all her demons. And maybe do other things, like kissing her ... He reined that thought in, hard.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot to get coffee at the bagel place.”

Sam fished her teabag out and dropped it in the trash. “I would say I need to get some coffee for you, but I’m trying not to buy anything that I’m just going to have to give away in a few weeks.” She picked up Jack’s mug and brought it over to the table. Changing her mind about handing it to him directly, she set both mugs down on the table and opened her arms to Jack.

She didn’t need to ask twice. Jack wrapped himself around Sam and held her close against him. Damp hair pressed against his cheek and he marvelled in how amazing she smelled. Better than he could ever remember. After a little, he eased up his grip, trying to read Sam’s cues for too much contact. He was pleased that she seemed comfortable, even relaxing into his embrace.

Cautiously, he caressed her hair and finally murmured, “Hey. Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Sam looked up as she said it and Jack bent and gave her lips the lightest of kisses. Accepting it, she gave him a slight squeeze and broke off the embrace, turning to open the bag of bagels.

“Blueberry and cheesy garlic!” She exclaimed as she took one of the savoury ones. “Don’t tell Mitchell, he’ll want to know why we didn’t share.”

Jack sat down opposite Sam and helped himself to the other cheesy garlic bagel, slathering on garlic cream cheese, just in case there wasn’t already enough garlic. He ate as she talked about her final projects and then SG-1’s planned mission for next week. All that Jack wanted to do was drink in Sam’s presence, but he found himself listening and looking for signs of the pain and despair that she had shared over the phone.

Sam’s walls were up tight. Even knowing what to look for, he had a hard time bringing together Sam on the phone and the Sam in front of him. Jack was thinking so much about it, that he missed what she was saying.

“What are you thinking of getting for your bike?” Sam repeated when he asked her what she had said.

“A couple of panniers or maybe some saddlebags. Anything you think I should look at?”

“Maybe a tank bag?” She pondered, “And a hydration bladder, they’re handy with a full helmet.”

“I’ll take a look and maybe just ride around for a while. I’d like to break in the motor before we head up to Minnesota.”

Sam checked the clock and began clearing away her breakfast. “Do you have plans for tomorrow? We could take a ride up to the mountains.”

Jack smiled at her, Sam caught it and smiled back. “That sounds great,” he told her.

“And tonight?” Sam asked. She began loading the dishwasher.

“No plans. You?” Jack began cleaning up his side of the table and brought the remaining plates over to Sam.

“Wanna help me avoid another microwave dinner?”

“I could cook,” Jack offered.

Sam looked surprised. “You don’t have to. We could just do takeout.”

“I don’t mind.” Jack watched her face. Her expression started to close off, turning blank. “Hey,” he said, reaching out for Sam’s shoulder. “What is it?”

“It’s just,” Sam struggled with the idea and then found the right words, “Awfully domestic.”

Jack stepped closer, brushing his fingers down her arm, taking her hand. “You set the pace, Sam. But you can’t scare me off and you can’t out wait me. I’m a stubborn old fart.”

Jack was relieved that Sam chose to lean into him, rather than pull away. Putting his other arm around her, he circled his hand on her back. “I’ll have dinner on the table when you get home, and your slippers and pipe will be waiting.”

Sam smiled against Jack’s chest. “Will you be wearing a frilly apron?”

An image sprung to mind that made Jack laugh. “I don’t think you’re ready for me in nothing but a frilly apron.”

It made Sam laugh, too. Jack released her. “We should both get going.”

“See you tonight, then.” Sam pecked him on the cheek and gathered up her car keys and bag.

Jack heard the front door close and let out a sigh of relief. They were edging forward, making up ground.


	20. Minus 8 Days: Keeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d have some explaining to do if he broke their new expedition leader.

**Minus 8 Days: Keeper**

Sam drove to the SGC barely paying attention to her surroundings, her thoughts on Jack’s unexpected appearance for the weekend. She signed in and kitted up before taking the final lift ride down to her lab, going through the motions of settling in for a day of work.

As part of her plan for the morning, Sam spread out the mission reports from SG-14, Colonel Mitchell’s recommendations and the UAV survey and began composing her own briefing summary ready for Tuesday morning. Sam was halfway through working out their approach route when there was a knock on her open door.

For a moment, she was surprised to see Dr Lam standing there, and then she remembered.

“Carolyn, I’m so sorry. Was it 08:30?”

“It was,” she smiled. “You seem busy though. Want to reschedule?”

“No, no,” Sam told her. “I can come now. If you have time?”

“Why don’t we meet here? There’s no particular reason to go back to med bay.”

“Alright.” Sam stood up and rearranged her two stools so they were closer together. Carolyn shut the door and came to sit down.

“In fact, I don’t mind the chance to get out of there for a while. I hate slow days.”

“But aren’t slow days good? Less people being hurt?”

Carolyn shrugged, matter of fact. “That part is good. The part where I have to attend to my backlog of paperwork, that’s not so much fun.”

That made Sam smile. “I feel the same,” she glanced over the paperwork she had in front of her. “Necessary, but tedious.”

“It’s going to be a big change for you when you take command of the Atlantis Expedition. Is this your last mission?”

“It is. We head off-world on Tuesday for what looks like a straightforward recon/first contact. I think General Landry’s giving us an easy one so he doesn’t send me off to Atlantis recovering from something.”

Carolyn nodded, “He’d have some explaining to do if he broke their new expedition leader.”

“To more than a few people,” she agreed, thinking of Jack.

“So tell me how you’ve been the past two weeks.”

“Straight to the point, huh?” Sam deflected momentarily while she collected her thoughts.

“That’s why I’m here,” Carolyn was matter of fact.

“I think, feeling better, maybe.” Sam didn’t know how to evaluate the roller coaster of the past two weeks. “I feel more deliberate, not operating so much on auto-pilot. The middle of the week, though ...”

“What happened?” Carolyn asked.

“I’m kind of ... starting a relationship with someone.” She sighed, “I feel like both running to him and running away.”

Carolyn nodded, listening carefully.

“I just don’t feel like myself. I’m not sure this is the right time to start something new, not when I’ve also got everything to do with Atlantis happening.”

“Why is that?”

“Well,” Sam thought carefully about how to describe the circumstances. “I’m going to be away for a long time. Ok, sure, I will have to come back here for visits. But maybe I’m just going to end up with even worse depression because we’re not together.”

Carolyn leaned against the bench and crossed her legs. “Operational relationships can be difficult, but they can also provide an important connection to your home life, which can be helpful in defeating depression. Isolation and loneliness allow depression to foment, especially without someone who knows you well to help you keep a monitor on your progress.”

Considering her patient, Carolyn wondered, “Is this new man military?”

Nodding, Sam replied. “Airforce. He’s had command and operational postings.”

“Well, then, without knowing the person in particular, I would say that it is likely he could be of great support to you and worth the effort to maintain your relationship while on Atlantis.”

Sam considered how much to tell Dr Lam. “During the week, I ... I had seen him, and he pushed me, asked me, to tell him what’s been happening.”

“Does he know you well? Know any of your history?”

“Yes,” Sam told her. “We’re ... reconnecting.”

“Is this why you came to me two weeks ago?”

Sam let out a long breath, eyes roving over the contents of her workbench. “Yes. He’s been concerned. I started calling him each time I had a nightmare.”

“If he’s had command, Sam, ...”

Sam finished the thought for her, “He knows trauma.”

Carolyn nodded. “I might say that it is fortunate that you are reconnecting. His support could be very helpful in your recovery.”

“You think it’s PTSD, then?” Sam asked Carolyn, voice shaking.

“Having seen your medical records, I can say that you are a remarkably resilient person, not inclined to depression. But,” she continued gently, “All people in theatres of war are subject to trauma and, untreated, that can manifest in multiple ways, including depression and anxiety.

“I might note, Sam, that what you have experienced is of a more personal nature than most. Service members in service families face different kinds of loss and risk which can personalise traumatic experiences, making them uniquely difficult to manage.”

“You know the risks, really know them,” Sam said, remembering that Carolyn also served with her own father.

“And witness things that others do not, when it comes to knowing what their loved ones suffer. I never met your father, Sam, but I know who he was. Since coming to the SGC I have a better appreciation of how hard it must have been for you to work side by side with him.”

“Thank you,” Sam’s voice cracked and she paused, composing herself again.

“I thought that I had dealt with most of it but seeing this,” Sam struggled for an appropriate term, “Person, again, has me thinking that maybe I just locked it all away.”

Carolyn smiled sympathetically, “As the meds start to work, you may find yourself facing feelings and events you thought were behind you. I’d like you to keep increasing the dose fortnightly until you reach 150 mg. And then, I have a referral for you.”

Sam looked puzzled, “Referral?”

“A very competent trauma and personal relationships psychiatrist has been with the Atlantis Expedition since its inception. I think that you would benefit from seeing her.”

Familiar with many of the Atlantis personnel records by now, Sam asked, “Dr Heightmeyer?”

Nodding, Carolyn continued. “With your permission, I would like to send your records to her with a confidential cover to bring her up to speed.”

Sam nodded her consent, feeling a little of the weight lift from her mind.

“She’s also non-military,” Carolyn pointed out, “Which may support a more open exchange between you both.”

“Oh,” It hadn’t occurred to Sam that she might feel more comfortable talking to someone who was less likely to see her depression as an impairment to doing her job. “Thank you. Carolyn, I never thought this would be that helpful.”

Carolyn smiled warmly at Sam, “Thank yourself and your new fella. He sounds like a keeper.”

Sam smiled shyly, “He is.”


	21. Minus 8 Days: Pasta Carbonara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve never been good at seeing you hurting.

**Minus 8 Days: Pasta Carbonara**

Sam left the base on time, sending Jack a message as she got to her car. It surprised her that she felt eager to spend the weekend with him. It made her feel more like herself, instead of an empty shell on auto-pilot. Talking with Dr Lam this morning had left her feeling lighter. That there was a possible future without the depression and nightmares gave her hope.

Being late on Saturday afternoon, it was an easy drive home. Sam gave thought to the past few weeks of contact with Jack. He was very clear about his feelings for her and once she had been certain that she felt the same way.

Carolyn had suggested that depression was damping all her emotions, the good and the bad. Things with Jack certainly had a complicated foundation. Denial of the attraction and love that she felt for him was reflexive, she had been doing it for so long. Even agreeing to try something in some possible future had left any question of a relationship and exploring those emotions safely at arm’s length.

Maybe she’d been squashing her emotions down for so long that she couldn’t unwind them. No, not couldn’t, Sam thought, because sometimes they were there and she very much wanted to let him in and have Jack be a part of her life again. So her problem was with being in control of when and where she could feel them.

Sam didn’t know how to make that happen, yet, but it was reassuring to know that it was possible.

Pulling up outside her house, she stopped just behind Jack’s bike. He had already outfitted the panniers and tank bag. Giving it another admiring once over, she turned and headed inside.

“Welcome ho-oo-ome,” Jack called from the kitchen as delicious smells met Sam at the door.

“Hey,” she kicked off her sneakers and followed the noises and smells to where Jack was in the kitchen. Despite her concerns about domesticity, Sam had to admit that there was something pleasant about coming home to a house with the lights on and someone to greet her.

Rounding the corner into the kitchen she stopped and grinned. “Really?” She asked Jack, “You didn’t.”

Jack did a twirl, showing off his frilly apron.

There was a part of Sam that was disappointed he wasn’t butt naked under it. She contemplated that small surge of desire, enjoying the feel of it. Smiling, she leaned against the counter.

“Smells wonderful,” she told Jack. “What are we having?”

“Mushroom carbonara. Made from scratch and definitely no microwave,” he replied.

“I can set the table?” She offered.

“Please. It’s nearly ready.”

Sam laid out cutlery and glasses while Jack drained the pasta and stirred it through the sauce. He plated up generous portions for them both and brought them to the table.

“What do you want to drink?” Sam wondered.

“I picked up some Heinekens. They’re in the chiller.”

Sam brought them with her and sat down. “You’ve had a busy day,” she observed handing him one of the bottles and twisting the cap off her own.

Jack grabbed some Parmesan and offered to grate it over Sam’s pasta. “Very productive. Y’know, it’s different being out here and not being on duty. Freeing.”

“Like when the program first started?” Sam wondered.

“A bit,” Jack agreed. “And the Springs is such a contrast to DC. Everything in DC is over planned, so deliberate. Here, the natural world dominates. It’s closer to being in the wilderness, like being off-world with only the immediate to be worried about.”

“You miss going out on missions,” Sam stated.

“Not the missions so much, but I do miss exploring, just finding out what’s out there.”

Sam wound the pasta around her fork. “I’m worried that I’ll miss it, too.” She took a taste of dinner and mmmmd. “This is good, Jack,” she mumbled through her mouthful.

He grinned and shrugged off her compliment. “Go out whenever you can. Calculate the risk, of course, but don’t let being in charge hold you back. You’ll have more lateral freedom on Atlantis to pick and choose where you command from than if you had command of the SGC.”

They continued discussing the complexities of her approaching transfer. Jack offered her what personal advice he could on managing the transition from field to operational command.

When they were done eating and the discussion of Atlantis waned, Jack went to clear the table, but Sam stopped him.

“You cooked, I clean up,” she told him.

Jack sipped on his beer, appreciating the ease that had opened up over dinner. They were discussing work, but it was with the familiarity of their years together.

When the kitchen was passably clean again, Sam leaned on the counter. “Now what?”

“Movie?” Jack suggested. “Cheesy sci-fi?”

Sam thought for a moment and then grinned widely. “We could do the big one.”

Jack returned her smile. “Armageddon?”

“Yeah!” Sam began digging amongst her moving boxes, quickly emerging triumphant.

Jack took the end seat on the couch, leaving Sam space to sit apart, if she wanted. “Guess what show T and I watched last time he was here.”

“What?” Sam wondered as the DVD loaded and she forwarded through the copyright notice.

“Xena: Warrior Princess.”

“No!” Sam laughed, her expression incredulous. “What did he think?”

“He made me promise to never tell Ishta about it. He feels she would not appreciate the comedy.”

“He thought it was funny?”

“Hilarious,” Jack enunciated every syllable.

Sam giggled, “I wish I’d been there.”

“Maybe next time he visits.”

Still chuckling, Sam settled down beside Jack, putting her feet up on the coffee table, next to his. Jack slipped his arm around her and she snuggled into his side. “Ready?” She asked Jack.

“We have a go,” Jack told her.

* * *

When the movie was over, they continued pillorying the plot and the science while sharing a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

“Another movie?” Jack wondered.

Checking the time, Sam pondered. “We could. If you’ll be ok to ride back to Danny’s.”

“Hmmm. Depends what time do you want to get together tomorrow? Not too early, it’s your day off.”

“Landry’s had me winding down, I’m not that tired.”

“Around 08:00, then? I can make breakfast.”

“Sure. You’ve got a key, you can let yourself in if I’m in the shower.”

“Ok,” Jack nodded tentatively, “You trust me?”

“Of course I trust you, Jack,” Sam appeared taken aback. Quietly she asked, “Why would you think that I don’t?”

Jack looked away, chewing the inside of his cheek. “It’s not anything that you’ve done, Sam. I just don’t want to screw this up. I’m trying to learn what you need me to be.”

Seeing the confident, brash man torn up with uncertainty made Sam’s throat constrict. “Jack,” she reached for his hand. “You are already who I need. You’re perfect.” She felt the prickle of tears. “These last few weeks have been hard for me, yes. But it’s like I’m coming alive or waking up. The last two years I’ve been all career officer and the next command and the newest breakthrough. But me, the inside heart part of me, has been locked down for so long.” She breathed out slowly, “It’s been locked down for so long that I don’t know how to live with it.”

Jack reached out to brush away a tear that had escaped to her cheek. “I’ve never been good at seeing you hurting.”

“It’s healing pain, Jack. I’m going to be strong again.”

He nodded and let his fingers stroke her cheek. “You’re the strongest person I know, Sam.”

Sam nodded and leaned in towards Jack. She put her lips to his and Jack cupped her cheek. Her heart thumping in the back of her throat, Sam parted her lips slowly, needing to know what he tasted like.

Following her lead, Jack let Sam’s tongue explore his lips before touching the tip of his to hers, opening wider, inviting her into him. The soft thrum of arousal filled his chest, warming him and rising up.

Pressing closer, Sam reached for him, delving deeper into Jack’s mouth, exploring, savouring his flavour. Hints of chocolate and coffee blended with the scent of his shaving soap and made her feel lightheaded. Buried desire for Jack welled up inside her and she had to pull back before she climbed in to his lap and let her longing take over.

Sam opened her eyes to find Jack gazing at her, his thumb brushing across her cheek. He smiled when their eyes met, trying to read her.

“Okay?” Jack asked.

“Very okay,” Sam let her breath escape, the lightheaded feeling threatening to overwhelm her. Pushing away the part of her that wanted to flee in panic, Sam slid her arms around Jack and burrowed into his neck.

Jack shifted until he could wrap his arms securely around her. He nuzzled her hair, “You smell so good. I wish I could bottle it and take it back to D.C.”

Sam smiled into his neck. “Give me one of your t-shirts.”

“What for?”

“I’ll sleep in it until you leave.”

A grunt escaped him.

“Okay?” Sam asked, smug.

“Very,” Jack breathed in deeply and let it out along with the sudden spike in tension in his stomach. “Things might happen with that shirt.”

A thrill escaped her, “Not before I do things in that shirt.”

Sam was pleased as Jack responded with another grunt, this one longer.

“You’re good at this,” Jack told her.

A satisfied chuckle escaped Sam. “I have to sustain you until next week.”

“How many days will that make it?”

“Seven days, as of the morning.”

Jack stretched, trying to ease the tightness in his jeans discreetly. “Yup, that should do it.”

Sam pressed her nose into his skin and closed her eyes, committing to memory his smell and feel. She had to have something to sustain her, too.

* * *

Just before he left for the night, Jack went into the bathroom and took off his undershirt. He left it on Sam’s pillow.


	22. Minus 7 Days: Waking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She imagined Jack’s hand over hers, his fingers exploring her, tangling with her own.

**Minus 7 Days: Waking**

Slowly, Sam rose to the surface of waking, the light shining softly through her curtains, the morning still very new. Closing her eyes, she thought about dozing off again, wishing she could resummon the warm feeling of falling asleep with Jack in her senses.

Maybe she could. After stretching out, she took a deep breath of Jack’s shirt, closing her eyes. It still smelled of him, his mild soap, a hint of sweat and a scent that she identified only with him. Recalling her promise of the night before to do things in his shirt, and Jack’s very obvious arousal in response, she felt her own arousal grow. Nipples tightened and she brushed her fingertips over them through the fabric. Sam then traced her fingers down her stomach, slowly dragging the hem of the shirt up before caressing the bare skin that was exposed. Her skin was sensitive, her touch pleasant and warming and she felt a welling of tension in her chest and a corresponding tingle between her legs.

Eyes still closed, she slid her fingers into the waistband of her underwear, caressing the sensitive skin under the elastic. While stroking lower, she pushed her pants and underwear down until the waist rested below her hips, crossing under her stomach where her blonde curls began to show.

One of her hands slid upwards, under Jack’s shirt, and fondled her nipple, rubbing it until it stood firmly up. With a long sigh, she soaked in the fantasy of being with Jack, having him touch her and stroke her, waking her arousal.

With one hand cupping and stroking her breast, Sam slid the other into her curls, pushing her pants aside. With fingertips and nails, she traced lines against her skin, winding between her hairs. Edging further with each pass, her fingers began to brush at her outer lips until she could drag her finger along her slit from bottom to top.

Parting her lips with a finger tip, she was unsurprised to find herself already warm and slippery. With one finger, she pressed deeper, teasing between her folds, brushing over clitoris, always moving. She imagined what Jack might think the first time he touched her, felt her warmth, could tell just how horny he made her feel.

Sam moaned softly as she imagined Jack’s hand over hers, his fingers exploring her, tangling with her own. Wriggling and kicking, she pushed her pants down the end of the bed, rolling fully on to her back so her fingers could have full access. She alternated between brushing over her clit and rubbing at her inner lips, feeling her arousal build.

Teasing herself until she felt that she couldn’t wait any longer, Sam slipped two, then three fingers into her vagina, her other hand leaving her breast and coming to assist, circling her clit. She found the sensitive skin just beneath it, and rubbed and pressed with enthusiasm as her fingers sped up their stroking.

The more aroused she became, the more she needed to feel fuller, stimulate deeper. Still covered by the comforter, she spread her legs, pulling her knees up and tried her best to get more sensation with fingers alone. For a short while, she had some success, but the familiar, frustrating feeling of orgasm receding began to fill her groin. Sam tried to chase it, but failed. Her building satisfaction was slowly replaced with despair, leaving her release tightly locked away.

Sam rested her head back on the pillows, both hands stroking the skin of her lower stomach. What was worse was this damned feeling overwrote the good mood she’d been in when she woke up.

Sam took a few more minutes to try to dispel her disappointment and got up to have a shower. While she ran the water to warm up, Sam made the bed and tucked Jack’s shirt under her pillow. Then she stepped into the steamy bathroom.

* * *

She’d just turned off the water when she heard the front door slam, louder than was necessary. The noise was followed by Jack’s voice outside her bedroom door.

“Morning,” he called.

“Be right there,” Sam called back. It didn’t take her long to dry off and dress. She kept it simple. No makeup or fancy jewellery, they got in the way of a comfortable ride.

On opening her bedroom door, Sam smelled onions and bacon frying, her stomach rumbling in response. Making her way to the kitchen, she rounded the corner. “My god, I could eat the smell.”

Sam crossed to where Jack was scrambling eggs at the kitchen counter. Jack held his left arm out to her and gave her half a hug while the other hand mixed.

“If you can control yourself for five minutes, there will be scrambled eggs and potatoes.”

“Guess I could.” She glanced up at Jack and, on impulse, pecked him on the lips.

Jack appeared pleasantly surprised. “Heya, good morning.”

“Heya,” she responded and stepped away, gathering up cutlery and moving to set the table. As she approached, she saw a bag on the table, waiting in the spot where she had sat the night before. Sam turned back to Jack. “What’s this?”

Jack was pouring the egg mixture into the pan, he answered with his back to her, “A present, for you. Open it.”

Sam put down the cutlery and opened the bag. Inside was a headset mic, for wearing under a helmet. She looked back towards the stove to see Jack peeking at her over his shoulder.

“Like it?” He wondered, grinning.

“Of course,” Sam began opening the box.

Jack turned back to the pan, stirring the eggs. “My new helmet has a mic built in. This one should work on the same channels.”

Sam paused and laid out the cutlery, before opening the instruction book and sitting down. “I can set it up before we go.”

“Sounds good.” Jack began dividing the eggs and potatoes on to two plates and bringing them to the table.

“Thanks,” Sam said automatically as Jack placed a plate in front of her.

“Five minutes ago you were going to eat the air,” he mused, watching her as he began spearing potatoes with his fork. There was no response. “Sam.”

Sam picked up her fork and began eating while she read. Jack enjoyed seeing her absorbed in something. She was relaxed this morning, far more than she had been yesterday, looking more like the Sam of his SG-1.

Reaching the end of the booklet, Sam appeared surprised to be eating. “God, Jack. I’m sorry. And this is really good, too ...”

Bemused, Jack waved her apology away. “At least you like my present.”

Grinning, Sam agreed. “It’s a good idea. I don’t usually ... I usually ride solo.”

“At the store they told me you can get a jack for your phone, too.”

“Yeah. I just never needed one.” Sam realised something. “God. I’m such a loser.”

Jack tilted his head, “Why?”

“Because all I do is work.”

“You do have a pretty great job. Which you like. A job which isn’t very accommodating to a bowling league.”

Sam smiled wanly, “Maybe I’d like a bowling league.”

“You could start one on Atlantis,” Jack teased.

“You don’t think I’ll have enough to do on Atlantis?”

Jack shrugged, “What else are you going to do for fun?”

“Riling up McKay doesn’t count?”

“That’s just part of the job.”

Sam laughed. Jack grinned at her in return. She returned to her eggs and potatoes.

“This really is good,” she told him.

“Good,” he smiled. “You need a reason to come home.”


	23. Minus 7 Days: Not Good Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Up, Carter, get up,” she told herself.

**Minus 7 Days: Not Good Night**

Once the headsets were working to Sam’s satisfaction, they geared up and headed out. The area around Colorado Springs offered many great roads for riding, slow curves and easy climbs or tight and twisting descents that required a rider’s full concentration. Sam spent the day showing Jack some of her favourite stretches. They lunched at a local lookout and then stopped for dinner on their way home at a restaurant west of the Springs, hoping to pass unnoticed.

They pulled up at Sam’s house just on dark and settled down on the couch together with a beer each and their feet propped up. After a brief round of negotiation over which movie to watch in which Sam advocated for Contact, her favourite, Jack prevailed and put on Army of Darkness. What they watched ended up mattering little to Sam. After only 15 minutes, she fell asleep curled up on the couch, beer mostly untouched.

_She was tired, so tired. Needed sleep, or a rest. She would give at least one of her motorcycles for 10 minutes to close her eyes and sleep._

_The UAV passed overhead. She tried to signal it with her watch but a blast from an energy weapon knocked it out of the sky._

_“Up, Carter, get up,” she told herself. If she could get to the UAV, it might still have radio equipment intact or, at worst, an S &R team would make their way to it. Being shot down meant that there were likely hostiles and where there were hostiles, there was likely to be SGC personnel._

_She approached the crash site cautiously. It was possible the Super Soldier had the same idea and would be lying in wait._

_It appeared clear, but she made sure to stick to cover in her approach. The radio equipment was fried, but one of the missiles was intact. She worked quickly to reroute the controls and braced the unit, waiting for the Super Soldier to approach._

_There, she saw a flash of black move in the underbrush. She adjusted the UAV and its payload to point directly at the target and then she closed the firing circuit._

_As it ignited, the black figure stepped out into the clearing and she saw with horror that it was Jack._

_Getting to her feet she screamed out his name, but it was too late. Her aim had been good._

_As she screamed and screamed, the familiar laugh came to her again and she felt herself turn to face the Super Soldier, no longer in control of her body._

_“I am Jolinar of Malkshur,” she heard herself say, with her voice but not her voice, now the gravelly bass of a Goa’uld. I have defected from the Tok’ra and as proof of my loyalty to our lord, Anubis, I offer him the deaths of SG-1.”_

_Hands and arms were pulling at her, pulling her to stand in front of Anubis._

“Carter!” Jack called out to her.

Sam was in her living room, on her couch, lights on. She realised that she was fighting Jack, not someone in her nightmare.

Once she stopped, Jack loosened his hold and began stroking her back.

“It’s ok, Sam. You’re safe. I’m here.”

At the sound of his voice, alive and well and real, she sobbed and then felt her gorge rising.

“Oh, no.” Sam struggled to her feet, slipping away from Jack, and weaved shakily towards the bathroom.

She barely made it before vomiting repeatedly into the toilet. Her body shaking from the force of emptying itself, she slid awkwardly to the floor. Jack was there, although she hadn’t heard him follow, easing her down, bringing a damp towel to her face, helping her to wipe vomit and spit from her chin.

Sitting down beside Sam, Jack shuffled awkwardly into a position where he could slide an arm around her. Sam curled up against his shoulder and quietly cried.

When the tears and shakes eased off, Jack stroked Sam’s shoulder. “Tell me.”

“I can’t,” she whispered, her voice torn and rough from the crying and vomiting. “I can’t ever let it be real.”

Brushing the damp and sticky hair from Sam’s face, Jack caressed her cheek. “It’s not real. It won’t ever be. You’re safe.”

Sam tried to breathe in, instead it caught in her throat and a half sob escaped. “I killed you, Jack. I was trying to kill the Super Soldier and I didn’t know you were there and instead of killing it, I killed you.”

“It’s ok. We’re safe and it’s not real,” Jack murmured.

“And then, god, this is the worst. Then Jolinar laughed in my mind and I wasn’t me, anymore, I was her.” A shudder ran through Sam as silent tears ran down her cheeks. “Every time, it’s her. Every nightmare, every person who dies, I do it, but it’s not me, it’s her.”

Scrunched between the shower and the vanity, Jack held her gently, trying to ignore the pain in his back and the ache in his knee. “She’s gone, Sam, and never coming back.”

“I know,” she replied huskily, “But it still seems so real. Even, afterwards, it feels like it could be true.”

Jack nodded his understanding. Minutes passed in silence before he said, “Let’s get off this floor, sitting here in the dark doesn’t help.”

Struggling to his feet in the confined space, Jack barely managed to get up without putting a knee or elbow into Sam. Once vertical, he offered Sam his arm and helped to pull her to standing.

“Come on,” he ushered her towards her bed. Helping her lie down, he pulled off her shoes and socks and thought about helping her out of the rest of her clothes, but hesitated. “Sam, I’m just going to turn off the lights. Get yourself under the covers, ok?”

Sam nodded mechanically and began squirming out of her clothes, for the moment forgetting that she wasn’t out on a mission with limited privacy. Jack left the room, quickly messaging Daniel that he would be back late, if at all, then locked up and flicked off the lights. Leaving the hallway light on, he ventured a quick glance towards the bed. Sam was already under the blankets.

Jack padded across the room and turned on the bedside lamp, kicked off his shoes and, still fully clothed, sat down on the empty side of the bed, leaning up against the bed head.

“I’m going to stay until you fall back asleep, ok?”

Sam nodded and then rolled over towards him. She’d changed out of her clothes and he could see she was wearing his shirt. Reaching out to him, she tried to pull herself closer. “Please.”

Getting off the bed, Jack lifted the covers up and slid under them. Lying on his back, he laid his arm out and Sam curled up against him, head resting on his chest, knees pulled up almost to his hip. Jack pulled the covers up over them both and shuffled slightly until he thought his arm wouldn’t fall asleep and pulled Sam in tighter to him.

His fingers brushed softly over her side and he was reminded of holding Charlie in the darkness, chasing away a childhood nightmare, soothing him back to sleep. Throat feeling tight as the emotions, past and present, rose in him, Jack wished for the strength to keep this person he loved safe from all harm. He knew, all too well, that he had no such power, but for now, for tonight, he could be the bulwark that Sam needed. And, for the first time in a very long time, someone needed him to be Jack, just Jack.


	24. Day 3: Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dads have a sense for that kind of thing. Especially when it comes to their daughters.

**Day 3: Dinner**

“This was a good night to have to pay,” Sam noted as they looked over the menu. The place had come recommended and it had a diner vibe, reflected in the prices.

“I never took you for a penny pincher,” Jack commented.

“I prefer thrifty,” Sam retorted. “How else do you think a single woman could buy a house at 28?”

His forehead creased as he looked at her over the top of the menu. “I guess I always thought that your dad helped you out.”

“He would’ve,” Sam agreed, “But I didn’t ask.”

“I forget that you guys weren’t ...” Jack dropped his eyes, regretting starting this line of conversation.

“That close when I started at the SGC?”

Jack looked up again, conceding his meaning with a nod.

“It’s okay, Jack. We made up for it at the end. Rocking across the galaxy, kicking Goa’uld ass and blowing up stars. It was a pretty good bonding experience.”

He smiled and looked back at the menu, “I could have sworn he wanted to kick my ass when we met.”

“At the awards ceremony in Washington? He worked you out pretty fast, faster than me.”

“Dads have a sense for that kind of thing. Especially when it comes to their daughters.”

Sam laughed, “That sounds like experience speaking.”

“It’s the uniform and the pilot wings. Girls love ‘em, daddies don’t. Especially Airforce daddies, they remember what it was like to be a young officer.”

The waitress arrived and took their order, returning immediately with their drinks. Once she left, Sam looked thoughtfully at Jack.

“What?” He asked her.

“Do you want to be an Airforce daddy, again?”

Jack sipped his beer while he thought. “Yeah, I’d like to try. If you would.”

“I’ve been thinking about it. I’ve considered it over the years, but there never seemed to be a good time. But maybe, after Atlantis ...”

Jack looked surprised. “You’ve thought about having kids before? On your own?”

Sam nodded, drawing patterns in the condensation from her glass. “Before dad died I thought about it for a while. Maybe I would have once we had defeated Anubis.”

“But then ... Pete? And then our arrangement.”

“Right. I didn’t really want to leave it so late, there’s a lot of risk in having children when you’re older. Janet and I,” she paused, remembering the beautiful, petite doctor. “She was helping me make plans.”

Jack reached across the table, brushing his fingers over the back of her hand. “I never realised ...”

“There was never a good time, anyhow. To take even six months away would have been inconvenient to our primary mission.”

She was amazing, this woman. So much the dedicated officer that it made Jack’s heart hurt for how much she had put their duty ahead of her personal life.

“We could’ve made it work. The team, General Hammond, Janet ... we would have put a crèche in your lab if we needed to.”

Briefly, Sam smiled at that picture, “I didn’t want that. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, asked no favours, taken none, even when Dad tried. It’s different for female officers, you’ve got to be twice as good in every way as a male and damned perfect, to boot.” She shrugged apologetically at Jack. “It’s just how it is.”

“This is what I mean about you,” Jack told her. “Go’auld ass kicker, star killer, strongest bloody person I’ve ever met. Anyone who wants to mess with your babies ...” Jack trailed off.

Sam shrugged momentarily, “If we ever get to that point.” She went on quickly as Jack looked concerned, “I just don’t want to be having kids while we’re actually galaxies apart.”

“Fair,” Jack acknowledged.

“I had wondered ...” Sam trailed off.

“What?” Jack prompted her.

“I would understand, if, having lost Charlie ...” she sucked her bottom lip in uncertainly.

Jack gazed at his beer for a long time, turning the memory of Charlie around and around until he could describe it to Sam. “He’ll always be there. But it’s not forgetting him to think of having other children. I don’t think,” he paused for a moment, “I’d like to think that if he were alive now, he’d like you and be ok with having a brother or sister at some point.”

Sam sat quietly, letting Jack offer her whatever of Charlie he could.

“You know, knowing your dad. It helped me to forgive myself for what happened with Charlie. I know it’s not the same, exactly, but seeing you both and how you had forgiven Jacob, I could imagine, hope, that maybe Charlie could forgive me. And then I could forgive myself.”

Her throat thick with tears, Sam took Jack’s hand in both of hers, lending him comfort.

“And, just a little bit, I could imagine Charlie growing up and he and I doing what you both did. When Charlie died, I didn’t allow myself to think about his future anymore and so I was stuck on repeat. The last thing I had of him was his death. I couldn’t ever turn it off.

“When I first went to Abydos, that was what I was hoping to end. Daniel saved me from that and then you and your dad helped me come to terms with it.

“There’s Rya’c, Cass, Skaara,” His voice cracked on the last name. “I’ve been an uncle for a long time now, I think I can be a dad, again.”

Finally, Jack looked up to see Sam silently crying, holding his hand.

“Hey, kiddo,” he reached across and wiped away her tears.

“Dad loved you, Jack, and I think he would have been blown away to know what he meant to you.”

“I think we understood each other, in the end.”

Sam nodded. Just then, their meals arrived and they released hands to make room on the table.

“He would’ve preferred that you ended up with Daniel, though.”

That made Sam choke on her drink. She spluttered and then wiped her chin, staring at Jack.

“No. He would not.”

“He basically told me that at one point. But I think he’d accepted that you were going to make your own choice, by then.”

“You’re making that up.”

“Geeez, Sam, let’s be honest here, Daniel is the better catch, and much closer to your age.” Jack held up a finger to forestall her protest, “I don’t mind, but I can see how a father might.

“And with my advanced years and being your CO,” Jack went on, “Your dad must have seen plenty of older guys taking advantage of the uniform and rank to get a beautiful young officer or enlisted to go out with him.”

Sam was listening, mouth agape.

“It’s not something I would do, but it’s certainly not out of the question for others. And when we met, your dad didn’t know me from Sasquatch. Also,” Jack was now running through a mental list, “There was the choice you would have to make, career or relationship. Either way, it was going to break your heart. No dad wants that for his daughter, his kid. And, y’know, grandkids. Look at us, talking about waiting even longer. Nah, Daniel was the sensible choice.”

Sam still had no idea what to say in response.

“Luckily for me,” Jack gave her a cheeky grin as he tackled his dinner, “You never choose the easy option if there’s one that’s ten times as hard.”

Sam ran her fingertip over the same spot on the smooth surface of the table. “When he was dying, dad told me to choose happiness over career. He understood us, by then. Maybe better than we did, at the time.”

Jack nodded, “He was a great man, Sam. And you know I don’t like to say this, but I think how he felt had a lot to do with Selmak, too.”

“Selmak made him see the bigger universe. Still tough but more open minded and compassionate.” Sam paused, “Maybe Selmak helped dad to forgive himself, too.” Sam considered this last thought as she leaned back in her seat and looked at Jack.

“Hmm?” Jack wondered when he noticed her stare.

“I never really thought before how alike you both are.”

“Me and Selmak?”

Sam scowled at him in mock frustration. “They say daughters look for their fathers.”

Jack eyed her and mildly replied, “Then I’ll take that as a compliment.”


	25. Minus 6 Days: Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m a notch on your bedpost. Good for you.

**Minus 6 Days: Contact**

Sometime in the middle of the night, Sam uncurled and Jack slid out of her bed to use the bathroom. Returning to look at Sam, asleep, he debated whether to lie back down beside her or to crash out on the couch.

Sensing his presence, Sam sleepily asked, “Jack?”

Not sure whether she was really awake, Jack held still, not wanting to disturb her further.

“Come back,” she murmured softly.

“One minute,” he told her, undoing his belt and sliding off his pants, leaving his boxers and shirt on. Regardless of his desires, or Sam’s, she would be just as safe were he on the couch or lying beside her. Lifting up the covers again, he slid back into the warmth they had generated.

Sam gave a soft hmmm and relaxed back into sleep.

Jack lay on his side, watching her, reflecting on the long and wandering path that had brought them both to this point. Sheer bloody minded persistence on both of their parts had got them here. Scarred, perhaps broken, but also the better for what they had faced, side by side.

* * *

The room was light with the morning sun when Sam woke. Her body felt rough, abused, eyes sore from tears, throat raw. But there was a feeling of sanctuary that she hadn’t experienced in a long time. Beside her, Jack lay on his side, hand resting temptingly open on the pillow.

Sam knew better then to wake him unexpectedly, she could end up in a chokehold before he was fully awake. Besides, waking Jack could lead to things she wasn’t ready to face, yet. Instead, she carefully slid out from under the covers, gathered up a change of clothes and made her way to the bathroom.

After showering, Jack was still asleep. There was no rush to the morning, so Sam let him rest. Out in the kitchen, she flicked on the kettle and opened the fridge. Searching through the odds and ends, Sam settled on French toast and began making breakfast.

There were a couple of rounds done when she felt Jack’s presence and she turned to see him appear in the kitchen. Her smile for him shy, Sam nodded her head towards the frying pan. “See, I can do breakfast, too.”

Jack smiled back and shuffled over to where she was at the stove. He’d dressed in his clothes from last night, but left his feet bare. Putting an arm around her, Jack lent in to kiss Sam’s cheek and was surprised when she turned to meet him. Even more surprising were the soft, open lips that met his. They lingered in the contact until Sam reluctantly turned to check on the toast.

The kettle had long finished boiling, so Jack got out the hot chocolate and mugs, popping Sam’s tea in one.

“Thanks for staying, last night,” Sam ventured tentatively.

“You don’t mind that I slept in your bed?”

Sam shook her head, pushing the toast in the pan to check it. “No. I think I might have asked you to, at some point.”

“You did,” he told her. “I was about to go sleep on the couch.” Jack wanted her to be sure that he only stayed because she asked him to.

“I, umm” Sam hesitated. “It was better than being on the phone.”

“I prefer being here for many reasons,” Jack agreed. He thought maybe this was the time to ask, “How does Dr Lam think you’re doing?”

“I saw her Saturday morning.”

“What did she say?”

“Uh. She recommended that I see a therapist when I get to Atlantis.”

“The expedition psychiatrist?” Jack wondered, picking the tea bag out of Sam’s mug and handing it to her.

“Dr Heightmeyer. She’s not ...” then Sam rephrased. “She’s a civilian.”

Jack leaned against the counter as Sam finished the last piece of toast. “That makes it easier?”

Sam nodded, flipping the toast onto the stack and turning off the stove. She turned to Jack. “I wonder if I can lead, if I’ll make the right call. That doesn’t seem how I should think, if I want to hold command. It feels like a civilian might judge me less.”

Arms folded, Jack listened carefully. “She might see you as a person, first, not just an officer.”

“That’s it,” Sam agreed. She picked up the plate of toast and began moving to the table where the syrup and butter waited.

Jack grabbed her mug of tea and followed.

As they sat down, Sam said. “I told her about you.”

Jack was surprised. “Dr Lam?”

“Yes. Not ... who you were. Just that I was thinking about seeing somebody.”

There was a raft of things that Jack wanted to say. He settled on, “What did she say?”

Sam huffed in response. “That relationships are good for your mental health. Go figure.”

Jack cocked his head at her.

“Better answer than, ‘That’s a terrible idea,’ don’t you think?” Sam challenged him.

Putting down his fork, Jack leaned on his hand and looked at her. “Are you worried about people finding out you’re seeing someone or that you’re seeing me?”

Sam froze and Jack immediately regretted his question. Too far, too fast.

Jack waved his hand at Sam, “Don’t answer that. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

In silence, they both ate, Sam cutting and chewing methodically.

“I just meant,” Jack finally spoke, “That what happened with Pete was pretty public, for you. I felt that ...” he paused as he composed his words. “There’s nothing SGC personnel like to do more than gossip. Especially about officers.”

Sam nodded and swallowed. “There’s been a lot of rumours over the years.”

“Quite a few about us,” Jack agreed.

“It’s different, for female officers. For men, it’s ‘boys will be boys’. For women ...”

“They’re asking if you slept your way up the ranks.”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed, melancholy. “I know when I ended it with Pete that there was talk that I’d done it for you.” She chanced a look at Jack. He nodded.

“Which wasn’t true. Except that it was a little bit true, but not in the way that people assumed. I just realised that I was choosing the wrong person. But people are going to assume that we were doing it all along. And that everything I’ve achieved has been because I was sleeping with my CO.”

Jack let out a long sigh. “Whereas for me ...”

“I’m a notch on your bedpost. Good for you,” She said, bitterly. Sam leaned back in her seat. “I’m facing another 20 years of others questioning my abilities. I don’t know what to do about that, Jack.”

“It’s different from this perspective, Sam. None of top brass question why you’re a Lieutenant Colonel. They know your record. Presidential Commendations, the Airman’s Medal, the Meritorious Service Medal - none of those came from me. Frankly, you should have more and probably would, had you served in any operation other than the SGC.”

“But still, there will be rumours.”

Jack acknowledged that with a nod. “There will be, but they’re just rumours. Do you think you can bear that?”

“Am I strong enough? That’s what I don’t know, right now.”

“What matters is what those you command think of you - if you can serve them and lead them and have their respect. You’ve got that, Sam. Even on your worst day, you’re a good officer, a good leader.” Jack lifted one shoulder in a shrug, “So you’re not at 100% capacity right now, you will be, again. You love this too much to give it up.”

Sam sipped from her mug and swallowed before answering. “So I guess that I’m stuck with you both, the General and the Airforce.”

Giving her a cheeky smile from beneath raised eyebrows, Jack said, “I guess you are.”

When Sam smiled back at him, he could read the weariness in her, the weight of the loneliness and losses of the years they’d seen together threatening to crash down. He pushed his chair back and stepped towards her, dipping his head and kissing her. Leaning into her, he parted his lips, seeking access to her mouth, wanting to chase away her pain. Sam hesitated for a moment, taken completely by surprise, then she was kissing Jack back, letting him take her with his tongue, feeling her body respond with a heady rush of hot desire. Sam stood up, her hands reaching to pull him closer, lips still locked on his.

Turning her with his hands on her hips, Jack pressed Sam into the table and together their hands pushed the breakfast plates out of the way. Sam pushed up and back and, with Jack’s assistance, slid onto the table. Jack stepped into the space between her legs, pulling Sam’s hips into his, pressing his groin into hers. Hungry for more of her, he broke away, kissing his way to her ear, tongue and lips working their way across her jaw, tasting her freshly clean skin.

Breathing hard, Sam brought her hands down to Jack’s behind, using the leverage to rub hard into into him, moaning as his kisses travelled lower and he sucked gently at the base of her neck. Her stomach flipped and danced, then crashed as she came somewhat to her senses. “Jack,” she called softly.

Pausing, Jack pulled slightly away, his heavy breaths evaporating the wetness of his kisses, making Sam’s skin tingle pleasantly.

“Just, not yet,” she told him, her voice trembling.

Jack sucked in oxygen, trying to clear his head. “I know,” he told Sam, resting his forehead against her shoulder. “It’s ok.”

“I just ... I’m sorry. A week, in a week, you won’t be ... and I won’t be ... anymore.” Sam became aware of Jack’s hard erection pressing into her. “Shit, Jack. I’m sorry.”

She pushed on Jack’s chest and he stepped back, letting her slide off the table. Lost for what to do, she crossed the kitchen and stood staring at the dishes she had used to make their breakfast.

Jack followed her and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. When she didn’t shake him off, he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist from behind. “Don’t be, I liked it. I like kissing you.” He laid a light kiss on the skin of her shoulder. “Small steps, yes?”

Sam leaned back into him, eyes closed. “Small steps.”

* * *

After stopping at Daniel’s to pick up his things, Sam drove Jack to the airport to catch the midday flight to Washington. She watched him walk through the automatic doors, hoping that she hadn’t just ruined everything. Sam sent him a message.

_6 Days._


	26. Minus 1 Day: Incoming Wormhole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now I’m the last original SG-1 member to leave.

**Minus 1 Day: Incoming Wormhole**

Later, Sam speculated whether the whole last mission had been an excuse to get her off-world. When she walked back through the gate with Colonel Mitchell and the newest SG-1 team member, Captain Torres, Sam found the gate room full of people. The crowd broke into applause, General Landry stood with Teal’c, Jack and Daniel at the bottom of the ramp. When she looked up into the Operations and Briefing rooms, it appeared that nearly all the base personnel were there.

Mitchell urged her down the ramp to stand in front of Landry, who saluted her. “Welcome back, SG-1. Please make your way to the med bay for clearance and then report to the mess for your post mission debriefing.”

“Yes, Sir,” Sam felt bewildered and turned to look at Mitchell, who was grinning at her like an idiot. “You were in on this?”

“Of course,” he laughed. “C’mon, I hear there’s going to be a party.”

The three of them made their way through the crowd, hands saluting her and then reaching out to pat Sam on the back as she passed. Out in the hall, more people waited, among them a selection of their off-world friends and allies, including Tok’ra and Jaffa that she hadn’t seen since her father’s funeral.

They made it into the lift, the doors closing on the cheers and applause. Mitchell couldn’t contain his mirth. “Close your mouth, Carter, you look like a frog on a log.”

Her jaw snapped closed and the lift came to a halt. Mitchell hustled them through checking in their arms and equipment, before heading up to Medbay. Dr Lam performed the most perfunctory post mission check Sam had ever experienced and then dismissed them to shower and dress.

As she and Torres turned towards the women’s locker room, Mitchell called, “Dress Blues, Carter. The brass are here. Don’t keep them waiting.”

Torres walked beside her, the familiarity that they had begun to develop off-world erased in the spectre of the celebration put on for Colonel Carter.

After they had showered and were putting the finishing touches to their uniforms, Torres found her voice. “Are send offs always like this?”

“Ahh,” Sam felt embarrassed. “Well, no. I suppose it’s because I was here at the beginning. I was a Captain, just like you. And now I’m the last original SG-1 member to leave.”

Torres gave her a shy grin, “Well, that is something pretty huge. SG-1’s record is ...” she laughed as she couldn’t think of an appropriate word. “It defies description.”

Sam chuckled with the petite officer who reminded her of a younger Janet, flint and steel all wrapped up in charm. “Just remember that SG-1 only takes the best.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Torres straightened, “I’ll do my best to carry on your legacy.”

“Oh, you’re going to be just fine,” Sam told her.

* * *

The mess was decked out in balloons and streamers with a giant sign bidding her farewell. It was packed with base personnel and a crowd of invited guests both from on and off-world. Mitchell ushered her to a podium in front of the flags of the USA, the Airforce and the SGC.

After an ebullient list of her achievements, General Landry read out the authorisation granting her a promotion to full Colonel. Mitchell helped to remove her silver oak leaves while Landry replaced them with a Colonel’s silver eagles.

The official presentation out of the way, Sam fielded congratulations and farewells from a seemingly endless stream of people. At some point, Jack pressed a flute of champagne into her hand but she didn’t see him again for what seemed like hours.

Slowly, the party wound down as people left the base through the checkpoint or the Stargate.

When just her closest friends and colleagues were left, Mitchell landed her another surprise and invited all remaining back to his place for dinner.

The celebration dragged on into the early hours. Somehow, despite being off-world, Mitchell had organised a huge buffet of food and drink.

Later, standing around a bonfire in his back yard, Sam hugged Mitchell and thanked him for all his efforts. He winked at her, “Just do SG-1 proud on Atlantis.”

It was nearing dawn when the four original members of SG-1 squeezed into a cab, first dropping Daniel and T at Daniel’s house and then taking Sam and Jack to hers.

* * *

She took Jack’s hand for the walk to her front door. They were both still in their blues, Jack was carrying their bags slung over his shoulder.

At the door, on impulse, Sam reached for Jack and kissed him. She luxuriated in the contact. He tasted of beer and whiskey and she felt the champagne going to her head along with the rush of desire that accompanied the moments they spent together more and more.

Reluctantly, she broke away, finally getting her key in the lock and opening the door. She flicked the lights on, feeling dazed by exhaustion as she moved from room to room.

Sam made it to the kitchen before she realised that Jack wasn’t with her. He was standing in the hallway, seemingly frozen. She leaned against the wall, watching him.

“Y’know,” she told him. “You look pretty fine, there.”

A smile twitched at the corners of Jack’s mouth. “So do you.”

His voice was low and rough and Sam felt her body respond.

“Please know, were I not dead asleep on my feet, that I’d be tempted to do you right now,” she told him.

Jack walked towards her, “I think seperate beds would be wise.” He took Sam’s hands and leaned in to kiss her again, being careful to touch only her mouth. The kiss was slow and lazy, teasing and then firm, with a quality that promised to attend to her satisfaction using a skilled tongue and more.

“And a cold shower,” she told Jack when they broke apart.

“Indeed,” he intoned. “And you know what? It’s tomorrow already.”

“Zero day,” Sam replied, trailing her fingers down his chest, over his dress shirt. She then walked around him, towards her bedroom. “Sleep, General.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he replied as he watched Sam go, the bedroom door closing behind her. He let out a long breath, grabbed his bag and made for Sam's spare room.


	27. Zero Day: Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I’ve been waiting for forever for you two to realise that you should be together. And now you are. So, yay.

**Zero Day: Reunion**

It was after noon when there came a knock at the front door. Sam was debating whether she actually wanted to wake up when she heard Jack open it. The muffled but familiar tones of the three living men dearest to her came from the hall.

Awake she needed to be, then. Sam got out of bed and quickly brushed her teeth before dressing in jeans and a casual blouse. She was checking her look in the mirror when there came a knock at her bedroom door.

“Sam? You awake?” Jack called to her.

“Yup,” she called, crossing the room and opening the door. “Did I hear T and Daniel?”

“You did,” Jack told her. “They brought more food, and beer, in case we didn’t have enough last night.”

Sam smiled, she felt like she could take on the world today. As Jack turned away, she grabbed his elbow. He turned, needing no more urging to meet her lips, lingering with her in her bedroom doorway.

“Heya,” he greeted her, when they were done. Jack seemed to share in Sam’s good mood. Sam could almost feel him vibrating in tune with her.

“Time for friends,” she told Jack, patting him on the ass as she slid past.

Sam embraced Daniel, who congratulated her again and then Teal’c enfolded her in his huge Jaffa arms. She relished the touch of both of them, feeling an ease to her burdens that had been missing for far too long.

As they talked and ate and then debated playing cards or Scrabble, it seemed natural that Jack would put his arm around her and that she would lean in to him. Daniel must have filled Teal’c in on recent events, because neither of them even raised an eyebrow at the sudden display of intimacy between Jack and Sam.

The afternoon hands of poker preceded T and Jack grilling steaks on Sam’s back patio, while she and Daniel prepped vegetables for the grill and made salad.

“You look happier,” Daniel told Sam.

She nodded slowly, “I do feel better. Still a long way to go, but I’m gradually feeling more like myself.”

Separating lettuce leaves, Daniel wondered, “And things with Jack?”

“We’re going slow,” Sam told Daniel as she cut an aubergine into thick slices.

Daniel appeared surprised. “I would’ve thought, you guys have been dancing around it for so long ...”

“That’s it, though,” Sam tried to explain to Daniel, “Ten years is a long time to put a bookmark in your personal life.”

Daniel tried to understand, “So it would be easy to fall into bed together. But then it might end up just being an affair?”

Sam cocked her head at him. “Yes. That’s it exactly. I’ve been trying to put words to it for weeks and you just go and nail it.”

“Many cultures consider a period of courtship and celibacy to be the proper foundation for a successful relationship,” Daniel tapped into his professorial side. “There’s probably something in that, if so many people are doing it.”

That made Sam chuckle. “I didn’t realise that Jack and I were so normal.”

Daniel shrugged and teased, “Nothing about you two could be considered normal. But what you’re doing isn’t new and knowing that might bring you comfort.”

Sam gave him an appreciative look, “It does. Thank you.” On impulse she put down the knife and embraced him.

Hugging her back, Daniel shared, “You deserve to be happy, Sam. Accept it.”

“You too, Danny,” Sam told him. She picked up the knife again, halving tomatoes, and looked over as Daniel spun the salad leaves. “I was surprised that Vala wasn’t there last night.”

“She wanted to, but there was some deal that she couldn’t let grow cold.” He looked up to find Sam watching him, a sly smile on her face. “What?”

“Now that Jack and I are working things out and Teal’c is settled down with Ishta, when are you going to complete our trio of spouses?”

“With Vala?” Daniel asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

“Convince me you haven’t at least contemplated it.”

Daniel kept his eyes cast down as he pulled the lettuce out of the spinner. “I don’t know where we are. When we’re together it feels like we could have something. But contact with her when she’s off-world is so patchy, it’s hard to maintain anything.”

“Why don’t you go with her, then? SG-1 isn’t keeping you on Earth, anymore.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to live off-world, again.”

Sam pressed him, gently, “Talk to Jack, work out a mission for the two of you that will give you time to figure out what you want. If you want to abuse your connections with the head of Homeworld Security, you’re running out of time.”

Daniel deflected her, “I’ll talk to him about it, if I get a chance.”

“I can mention it to him,” Sam offered.

“No,” Daniel shook his head. “Let me work out what kind of favour I need, first.”

“Alright,” Sam allowed, letting Daniel turn the conversation to other topics.

* * *

They ate dinner sitting on the back porch, legs dangling over the side, plates balanced on their knees and beers in hand. Sam couldn’t remember laughing so much since Jack went to Washington. It made her sides ache.

It was close to dusk when Jack discovered that they were out of beer and he and Daniel decided to take Danny’s car to get more. While they were gone, Teal’c and Sam cleaned up.

“It is strange to see your home so empty, Samantha,” Teal’c intoned as they put the clean dishes away.

“It is. I only have a small box of things going to Atlantis, all the rest is going into storage for the next two years.”

“You intend to return to Earth when you have completed the command on Atlantis?”

Sam wiped a cloth over the counter, leaving it dry. “I think so. Jack is retiring and I’d like to start thinking about having a family.”

“If O’Neill is retired, can he not go wherever you are?”

The thought hadn’t occurred to her, “Well, Jack and I haven’t really talked about what we’re going to do next. We’re still working out the now.”

“But you intend to make him your husband?”

T’s unique way of stating the facts made her smile. “I suppose we need to discuss that, too.”

“What is there to discuss with O’Neill? You love each other, do you not?” Teal’c stated with his customary forthrightness.

“Uh, well, T. It seems like there are still things to work out. The military, and all, has made things complicated.”

“I do not see why so. You care for each other, you wish to formalise a bond so that you may have offspring. That is the most straightforward of all relationships.”

Sam nodded slowly, trying to absorb Teal’c’s wisdom. “It is,” she agreed. “Maybe we make it too complicated.”

“You have found nothing but complications to make.” Teal’c told her, not without compassion. “You have loved O’Neill and he has loved you for many years. You would both have been happier had you made your bond before now.”

Leaning against the counter, Sam sucked on her bottom lip. “How did you know that you were ready to settle down with Ishta? Our work, it never seems to be done.”

Teal’c inclined his head towards her. “It will never be done. Ishta and I still have our responsibilities to uphold. Our bond reminds us what it is we fight for. Her love eases my burden, and mine, hers.”

Sam crossed her arms and shook her head. “So Jack and I have been pretty stupid. Why didn’t you say something?”

“I have found that it is pointless to speak when the listener is not ready to hear.”

That made Sam snort. “I have missed you, big guy,” she stepped towards him and tried to wrap her arms around his girth.

Teal’c returned the hug, as always surprising Sam with his gentleness. A part of her marvelled at the feeling of sanctuary that he exuded. No wonder Ishta drew strength from him.

They shared the silence and intimacy for a while, Sam soaking up this time with T, already regretting how much she would miss him when he returned through the Stargate.

“I have news, Samantha Carter, and I would like you to be the the first to hear it.”

Sam released him, and stepped back. “What is it?”

“I am to be a grandfather,” he stated with pride.

Sam gasped with delight, “Rya’c and Kar’yn are expecting a baby?”

“Indeed,” T’s grin was wide and he rocked on his feet with pleasure. “And more. I am to be a father again.”

“No way!” Sam grabbed him again in a huge hug. “Oh my goodness! T! How long? When are the babies due? How is Ishta? I must find time to come and see her ...”

Teal’c bowed his head towards Sam as she gushed with questions. “It is why Ishta could not accompany me. She is close to her time and has some pain from carrying the child. She could not make such a long journey and sends her apologies and her congratulations to you.”

“Well, I will have to come to her. I’ll put a request in with General Landry, see if I can make the trip before I leave for Atlantis. And Rya’c and Kar’yn?”

“They are both well. Kar’yn has reached her fifth month with child. Likely it will be born as the winter begins.”

Sam couldn’t contain her excitement. “You shall have to help me with a gift for them both, and for the babies. Oh,” she whined, “I’ll be on Atlantis when they are born.”

“They will not yet remember you. When they are older you may find it easier to visit.”

“Oh, I know that, T. But I would like to see them, and all of you, and I will remember that.”

“If I were to obtain a photography device, I could make pictures for you.”

“Yes,” Sam declared. “You must. That will be my gift, well, part of my gift.”

They engaged in family chatter for a few more minutes, until they heard the front door open.

“We’re back,” Jack called.

“We picked something extra up at the store,” Daniel added.

Sam rolled her eyes to Teal’c and called out to them, “How could we possibly eat anything more?”

As Sam turned towards the front hallway, she realised that Daniel and Jack had a third person with them.

“Cass!” Sam shrieked and she found herself crying and laughing and being squeezed in a bear hug.

They embraced and exclaimed over each other, tears running down their faces.

“You’re taller.”

“I like your hair longer.”

“How were your finals?”

“I want to see your eagles!”

As they held each other, Sam glanced over at Jack. He rocked back and forth on his feet, his hands shoved in his pockets and a huge grin on his face.

_You smug bastard_ , Sam mouthed at him.

He shrugged and mouthed back, _You’re welcome._

* * *

They played Simpson’s Trivia and then Daniel, Cass and Sam settled into a long, cut throat game of Scrabble.

Teal’c and Jack took time together to sit out on the back porch, stargaze and catch up. Sam heard the excitement in Jack’s tone, though not the words they exchanged, as T shared his news and smiled to herself.

Daniel and Cass caught the whiff of something Sam knew that they didn’t.

“I can’t,” Sam told them, holding her hands up. “It’s Teal’c’s to tell.”

Daniel sighed dramatically as Cass pleaded with Sam.

“I’m sure he’ll tell you tonight. Isn’t he going home tomorrow?”

Daniel nodded and Cass pouted some more. “I’m hardly going to see any of you while I’m here.”

“You’ll see me the entire time you’re here since you’re staying at my house,” Daniel pointed out, “And you’ll see Jack when you’re back in Washington.”

“Oh, he’s so difficult, we maybe have breakfast once a month.”

Sam chuckled, “Well, you do have a pretty busy social life. I don’t know how you squeeze him in to your schedule.”

“And you’re going to Atlantis, Sam. We’re not even going to be able to talk on the phone!”

“There’s email and when I have to come back to the IOC or the Pentagon, we can catch up. I might even see more of you.”

“Cause you’ll be staying at Jack’s?”

“Oh, well, I suppose,” Sam replied. “I meant because I’ll be in Washington for a few days each time.”

Cass exchanged a look with Daniel and rolled her eyes. “Sam,” she drew out the name, “I’m not stupid.”

Sam looked puzzled and glanced at Daniel. “What did you tell her?”

“He doesn’t need to tell me anything,” Cassandra butted in. “Jack’s retiring so you two must finally be getting together, right?”

Daniel shrugged at Sam and tried to suppress a grin.

“Uh, well,” Sam floundered. “There’s not really a plan. Yet.”

Leaning back in his seat, Daniel didn’t even bother to hide that he was enjoying this exchange.

“Look, you know how kids want their parents to get back together when they’ve been separated,” Cass explained, “Like in that movie, The Parent Trap. So, you and Jack are like those separated parents who couldn’t work out that they still love each other. So I’ve been waiting for forever for you two to realise that you should be together. And now you are. So, yay.”

“Well. We are still working out the details,” Sam stammered.

“Geeze, Sam. How hard can it be? You guys have saved Earth like eight times, and the galaxy at least twice. You blow up suns and dissolve Replicators and steal freaking starships from all over the place and fix them up and make them fly. So why can’t you and Jack just be together properly?”

“She has a point,” Daniel agreed.

Sam opened and closed her mouth, at a complete loss as to what to say.

Jack walked quietly into the room, followed by T, and put his hands on the back of Cass’ chair. “Cause we’re dumb, ok? We managed to do those things cause we were too dumb to know we couldn’t. And we managed not to do the being together thing because of the same dumbness. So, we’re not perfect.” Cass turned to look up at him as he spoke.

“Not perfect in your dumbness?” Daniel wondered.

“Ah, yes,” Jack agreed.

Sam appeared offended, but was having trouble putting together a refutation.

“I have a new motorcycle,” Jack told Cass in an attempt to save Sam.

“You do? Can we ride it?”

“Your helmet’s in the garage,” Sam reminded Cass.

Cass bounced off to get it.

“Thank you,” Sam told Jack. Both Daniel and Teal’c were grinning.

“So all the family knows, now,” Jack said.

* * *

Jack took Cass for a short ride on his bike and, when they returned, Teal’c shared the news of his impending father and grandfatherhood. As it was nearing midnight, they began winding down.

Daniel and Sam took a moment to go over arrangements for taking care of her house while she was away for the next two weeks. Cass offered to lend a hand, as she was going to be around for the summer.

Jack and T arranged a regular check-in via the SGC so that they could exchange news over the next few months and Sam tentatively arranged an overnight to visit Ishta. General Landry would have to approve it first, of course.

Cass bounced around between them all, sneaking hugs and making snark whenever possible. When she heard Sam was planning an off-world trip to visit Ishta, she begged to come along. Teal’c looked more than pleased at the idea, so Sam was now going to be asking for permission for both of them to travel through the Stargate.

With final kisses and hugs, Sam promised Cassandra that they would have some time together while Sam was completing the final prep for Atlantis. After jumping into Jack’s arms for a last hug, Daniel finally dragged Cass off to his car to take her home.

Watching them depart, Sam leaned into Jack. “Am I getting old or does Cass have more energy than ever?”

Jack put an arm around Sam. “She was so excited to see you. Apparently she tried to get her professor to give her the last exam early, so that she could be here for your farewell.”

“It’s good to see her managing well.”

“Yeah, that first year was rough,” Jack recalled.

“It was the right decision to encourage her to study in D.C.. She could have her independence and also have you there when she needed it.” Sam turned into Jack, sliding her arms around his waist. “You can take a lot of credit for how Cass’ doing.”

“We all can.” Jack snuggled Sam close in to him. “Kid raised by committee.”

Sam huffed, both serious and amused, “I think that we have to give Janet most of the credit.”

“And for entrusting Cassie to us.”

“She thought of everything. Of all of us, I thought she would be here forever,” Sam shared. “This life doesn’t allow for many friends, especially women friends. And Janet was far more than that.” She burrowed her face into Jack’s chest as she felt the melancholy that haunted her begin to return.

Jack held her and stroked her hair. “Janet loved you, Sam.”

“She would talk to me, about you.” Sam’s voice was muffled by Jack’s shirt. “She knew. She knew everything and never told. Each time you were hurt or lost, she was just there. Holding my hand, watching and waiting for you.”

“I know. She did the same for me, when it was you.”

Sam nodded, her silent tears soaking into Jack’s shirt. Gentling her, Jack held on to Sam until she was able to pull away, again.

“Sleep?” He suggested.

Sam nodded, drying her cheeks with the back of her hand. “We have things to do, tomorrow.” Her smile was shaky, but it was there.

Jack nodded. “Are you going to be ok to sleep?”

“I think so,” Sam replied.

Not so sure, Jack suggested, “I can leave my bedroom door open.”

“Yeah, ok,” Sam agreed. She breathed deeply and let it out slow.

With a single finger, Jack lifted Sam’s chin and put his mouth to hers. He kissed her slowly, lips just parted, stroking his fingers back until they brushed her hair. He longed to fill her with the comfort and devotion that Janet had given her, to let Sam feel how much they both loved her.

“Janet loved you Sam. It’s ok to forgive yourself.”

Her throat was swollen with tears again so all Sam could do was nod. Awash with feelings of loss and regret, she pulled away.

“I think I need some time. To shower,” she told Jack, “And then to sleep.”

“I’ll be here,” Jack assured her as she turned to her bedroom. Sam closed the door behind her. Jack locked up the house and turned off the lights, hearing the water running as he passed by her room. 

He was in bed, nearly asleep when he heard the door to her room open again followed by Sam’s retreating steps and sound of her getting into bed.


	28. Day 3: A Walk in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if I want to seduce you?

**Day 3: A Walk in the Dark**

The place they were staying was more than a B &B. The property had a guest cottage, seperate from the main building. Through a little careful planning that Sam was unaware of, yet, Jack had ensured that it was booked ahead of time. Lights shone on to the pathway as it meandered through the garden and over an ornamental bridge to the front door. So what if it was a little kitschy. Jack had promised Sam romance, after all.

They strolled back to their accomodation hand in hand, reminiscing over their missions with Jacob. As they drew close to their destination, Jack grew quieter, letting Sam carry the conversation. She didn’t seem to notice, at least at first, but when they got to the bridge she stopped there and looked out over the side, the reflection of the soft lights mixing and glinting on the running surface of the water. They stood there a while, enjoying the semi-darkness and sound of the trickling creek.

“Everything ok?” Sam asked.

Jack slid his arm around her waist. “Very ok,” he answered.

“You’ve gone quiet,” she observed.

“Yeah?” He wondered, looking back on their conversation. “I got lost in my thoughts.”

“Care to share?” Sam turned towards him, leaning her hip into his.

“Earlier, you said something about not sleeping alone tonight.”

“I did,” Sam agreed.

Jack swallowed. “I was wondering, if that meant ...”

“That I want to seduce you?” Sam’s tone shifted into something that made the ache that he was trying to ignore a hundred times worse.

“Me?” he took a deep breath, his voice dropping, “What if I want to seduce you?” Jack reached and brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers.

Sam’s stomach twisted with anticipation as he walked them to the brink. “And you were thinking?”

Jack turned his body towards her and lent into her hip. His erection pressed into her as he put his lips to her ear. “I was thinking about you.” His hand at her waist pulled her tighter against him.

Sam shivered as his words brushed over her ear.

“I was thinking about lunch,” he pressed his lips to the curve of her neck, tasting and sucking her skin.

“Mmm.”

“I was thinking that given another minute.” One of his hands explored the hem of her shirt, sliding under it, his nails dragging across the bare skin beneath.

Gasping, Sam found words hard to come by at the moment.

“I would have been begging you to ride me,” he ground his hips into hers, pressing her back into the bridge railing.

“Yes.”

“I would have been listening to you moan,” he bit her neck, the skin still tingling.

“I would know what sound you make when you come,” His other hand slid down over her hip, grasping the back of her thigh, pulling her leg up so he could rub his erection into her clothed folds.

“God.”

“And then you would know that you own every part of me.” He kissed her neck again. “Every breath.” His firm lips kissed higher, “Every heartbeat,” he licked her earlobe, “Every thought.”

He bit down on her earlobe and Sam trembled, shuddered and bucked into him with her hips. Her release was light, but unmistakable.

Sam uttered his name in such a way that he thought he might come right then and there, messy and hard in his pants, pressed into her while they were both still fully clothed, like he was 17 again, groping his prom date. Except that no prom date would ever have made him feel like this.

“All of me,” His voice was thick, Sam could hear the pent up tension in him, feel his cock twitching in response to her orgasm.

“Now, you know,” she answered him, her voice low and guttural, her leg hooked over his backside, her breath wet and hot against his cheek, fucking his senses.

“Sam,” he groaned, grinding into her again, asking her permission. That he had made her come so fast with just words and touch was the biggest stroke his ego had ever received.

“Do it, Jack,” she told him, digging her fingernails into his back through his shirt. Jack thrust against her, two, three times before he did indeed come hot and messy in his pants. Sam held him tightly as his knees shook, her leg wrapped around him preventing him from stumbling backwards.

Jack could barely breathe at first, lights danced in front of his eyes and he felt like his head might rise right off his shoulders. As his senses returned to transmitting the proper information, he sucked in oxygen, clearing his head. Sam lowered her leg, steadying them both.

“Now I know, too,” she told him, her voice still low and husky.

Pressing his temple to hers, Jack could only manage a whimper. Sam responded by kissing him, slow and deliberate, full of temptation and promise.

“You are going to be the death of me,” he whispered to her.

Sam cupped his face in her hands, caressing, gentling him. When Jack could meet her eyes, she smiled. “How long have you been keeping that in?”

“Since lunch. And since just about forever.”

“Forever?” She wondered.

“Oh god, Sam. You have no idea what effect you have on people. And that just makes it worse. I think the whole base has had designs on you at some point. Whether they wanted to kiss you, or impress you, or just protect you ...”

Jack let out a shuddering breath, suddenly overwhelmed with the knowledge that she had chosen him from all of the possible others. His throat tightened as he fought to put the lid back an overwhelming rush of words and emotions. One fucking orgasm and she had popped the top off his carefully capped inner life.

Sam stroked his skin with her fingers, watching the emotions race across his face. “Me too,” she told him.

His eyes dragged up to look in hers again.

“It’s been since forever for me, too,” she answered him.

He surrendered completely to it in that moment. There was no chance of ever going back from here. John J O’Neill was owned, wholly and completely, by the soul of the blue eyed, blonde haired woman he held in his arms. Of course it wasn’t just one orgasm, it had been ten years of the slow, inexorable dismantling of every wall and barrier and lock he had ever put in place.

Sam watched his face change, something in his eyes, the eyes that commanded, the eyes that demanded, negotiated, observed, ordered, snapped, asked and told. Something in his eyes pulled her soul to him, responding to the bare nakedness of what she saw there. It felt as if he had taken the very air from her lungs and, without him, she couldn’t breathe.

“Jack,” her voice quiet, Sam suggested, “Let’s go inside.”


	29. Day 3: Samantha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I looked it up on the internet. Amazing what you can find on there.

**Day 3: Samantha**

Soft candlelight and the smell of vanilla and roses flowed out the front door to meet them as Sam opened it. The bed had been turned down and what must have been 20 or 30 candles, enough to make Teal’c feel at home, had been lit and placed all around the room. As Sam gaped, Jack squeezed her shoulder, his body warm behind her.

“Pretty,” he observed.

“Wow,” declared Sam. “This is some place. How did they know?”

“Well,” Jack sounded smug, “If you ask for the extras package, you get extras.” He urged her forward and shut the door behind them.

“When did you do that?” She wondered, casting her mind back over the afternoon.

“Two weeks ago.” He squeezed her shoulder and then made his way to the closet, digging out a change of clothes for his bottom half.

“Two weeks ago? But how did _you_ know?”

“I looked it up on the internet. Amazing what you can find on there.” Jack stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“But two weeks ago?” Sam asked, raising her voice so that he could hear her.

“I thought you might like it,” he called through the door. “Y’know. Romance as requested.”

“Jack,” Sam crossed the room and stood on the other side of the bathroom door. “What if we ...” her tone drifted towards anxious.

Jack opened the door carefully, sans footwear and pants replaced, and looked at her. “I booked another room.”

“Oh,” Sam thought back over what she had just discovered.

He reached out and brushed his fingers across her forehead, stroking away the lines of worry that had appeared. “I would be there now, if you didn’t want me here.” Jack rested his hand against her face, scarred and worn fingers caressing her temple. “I would still go, if you asked me to.”

Throat constricting, Sam gave a small shake of her head. “I don’t want you to go.”

Jack ran his thumb across her lips. Sam’s eyes half closed in response and he pressed harder into the soft, pink flesh, sliding between, pulling her bottom lip down and rubbing it, making it darken. Leaning in, he took that lip between his own and sucked slowly. Incrementally, his fingers drifted lower, brushing over skin, then her gauzy top, until they came to the apex of her breast, circling over nipple, making it stand out firmly through the fabric.

A small moan slipped from Sam’s mouth and he felt her breath hitch under his fingers. Jack stepped into her, pressing his hand against her breast and basking in the warmth of her body.

Releasing her lower lip, Jack put his mouth over hers, tongue reaching, seeking out her own, curling and stroking, slowly stoking her arousal. At her nipple, his thumb pressed down on the hardening nub, tracing its shape, dragging the fabric of her shirt against that of her bra, creating warmth and friction.

Sam felt captured by Jack’s touch; her world becoming nothing but lips and tongue, thumb and nipple. When his other hand clasped the back of her neck, she gasped in shock, lightning running down her spine and rekindling the smouldering fire between her legs. The pads of thumb and fingers pressed into the vulnerable space at the base of her skull and her knees trembled.

Her body knew his power, his strength, but mostly as an academic thing, observed in the third person. Now, he was bringing that strength to her and applying it, not for pain but carefully calculated pleasure. Knowing what he was capable of and feeling the tight control in which he held himself made her wet all over again.

“Jack,” Sam whispered against his lips, “Take me to bed.”

His hands framed her face, stroking her hair, barely daring to touch her, fearing that she might break.

“Sam,” Jack’s voice was all restraint, but the shortness of his breath was clear. “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” the words brushed his lips like kisses. “Yes to the tenth power. _Please_.”

The please did Jack in. With shaking hands he reached for the hem of Sam’s top.

“May I?” He asked.

Sam lifted her arms in response and the silky fabric was gathered and brushed upward. She tilted her head back and it glissed over her face and came free. Jack ran the palms of his hands down her arms and sides, more heat than touch.

Finding that her pants buttoned up in the rear, he moved behind her, kissing the curve of her shoulder as his fingers set the garment free. As Sam went to kick off her shoes and pants they tangled and she lost her balance. Jack steadied her with an arm around her waist, pulling her into him, trailing kisses up the side of her neck. His fingers stroked at the sensitive skin below her belly button and Sam slid her fingers over his, moaning as he caressed her lower.

There was this spot below her ear that he had discovered earlier, and Jack returned to it with a thoughtful stroke of his tongue. Sam shivered and he turned licks into nibbles and, then, shallow bites.

Her body arched back into him and he kept the pressure on her neck, sliding his hand lower, finding the waist of her underwear. Sam let Jack’s hand slide away from hers, taking support from his forearm.

It was easy for Jack to push past the elastic and explore her curls, damp already, and then dip one finger into her slit, parting her lips.

“Oh, god,” Sam moaned, Jack noting that her volume was increasing in direct proportion with her arousal.

Arousal didn’t begin to explain what Jack found as her explored her. Slick and slippery under his fingers, he skimmed over clit and delved deeper, teasing her inner lips, then returning, never lingering anywhere for long.

“Jack, more” Sam pleaded with him, trying to rub against him.

Smiling against her neck, Jack pulled her against his erection with the hand in her vagina, pressing against her and whispering in her ear. “Patience, Sam. Trust me.”

His low voice sent shivers through her and Jack felt her spasm where his fingers touched her inner folds. Jack slid his other hand up and over her belly, crossing her chest and palming her breast. He rolled her nipple between his fingers at the same time his hand skimmed deeper and he pushed a finger into her, his palm pressing and rubbing her clit as he began to stroke inside her.

Reaching up, Sam twisted her fingers in his hair, and pulled Jack down to her neck again. Delighted to oblige, Jack alternated nibbles, kisses and licks, supporting her by breast and delving his finger into her warmth. When he added a second finger, a primal groan erupted from deep within Sam and she arched back into his chest. As her legs began to tremble with approaching orgasm, Jack stilled his fingers, resting inside her, and held her tightly to him.

“What do you want, Samantha?” He asked, his breath washing over her sensitive skin, flushed from the attentions of his mouth.

The way he said her whole name felt like him taking possession of some secret part of her. Sharp, hot flashes raced through her and her knees nearly gave way, Jack’s hold on her all that kept her upright.

“Fill me, Jack. I need to feel you,” she whimpered.

“I want to watch you, Samantha. You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. He reluctantly slid his fingers out of her and moved to her side so that he could pick her up in his arms and carry her to the bed. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her breathing fast. His knees were thankful that it wasn’t far.

Laying her down tenderly, he leaned over and kissed her, while undoing his pants and pushing them, along with his underwear, to the floor. Breaking the kiss, but maintaining his proximity, he grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling it over his head. Now completely naked, Sam roved over his body with her eyes, reaching out to stroke his skin, scraping her nails through his chest hair, running her fingers down, over his stomach, reaching towards his ...

“Not yet,” Jack told her, hips moving back out of her reach. Sam growled and Jack recognised her frustrated tone and chuckled. “Good things come in those who wait,” he quipped.

Another growl and Jack knew he’d better hurry up or he would rouse the sleeping tiger. And he liked being the alpha, for the moment.

Grasping the waist of her underwear, he tugged it downwards, discarding it on the floor.

“In me, O’Neill,” she tried ordering him.

“Nah uh, Carter. That’s not going to work on me.”

She growled again and made to sit up but he was ready for her, straddling her legs, a hand on her sternum, pressing her into the bed. Sam squirmed under his pin, but there was a look in her eyes that made his erection surge. He knew that she could easily push him off but she was willing to acquiesce to him. For now.

Putting more weight than was necessary on Sam’s chest, Jack leant over her, kissing her firmly. Another growl and she acceded to his tongue, opening her mouth wide, pushing her tongue into his, tussling with him, chasing and sparring.

Jack pushed his hand between her thighs, reaching for her warm slickness again and rubbing over her clit. She attempted to spread her legs, desperate for the feel of something truly substantial inside her, but Jack tensed his knees, holding her legs closed.

He chuckled into her mouth as she growled again and then jerked back laughing as she attempted to bite his lip.

“Really?” He remarked. Jack knew Sam could be fiery but he hadn’t imagined how much it would turn him on if she brought it to their bed.

“Do it, Jack! or I’ll do it for you.” Sam tensed her legs, digging her heels into the bed, reminding him that she could make real on the threat.

“God, Sam. You know how fucking hot you are when you’re naked, aroused and mad at me?”

“O’Neill!” She barked out in frustration.

Shaking his head, smile wide, Jack shifted his weight, moving his knee to nudge her thighs apart. Sam pulled up her knees, feet resting at almost level with her butt, wide and open. Jack had his first clear view of her swollen lips, red and very ready for him. His longing was building and as much fun as it was teasing her, he was beginning to feel the need to be in her, too.

Jack leant back over her, supporting himself with one arm while his hand guided his head into Sam’s hot warmth. He hovered there, just inside her and smiled at Sam until she began to squirm under him.

“Samantha,” he scolded softly, and leant down again, kissing her and then, without warning, pushing himself completely inside her. It was like applying an electric shock, her body tensed and bucked under his and he could feel her preliminary spasms grasping at him.

It nearly took him then and there, but Jack drew in a shuddering breath and held himself in her, letting his peak lessen. When the wave had passed through them both, Sam wrapped her legs tightly around his waist.

Jack set the rhythm. First small pushes, watching her face, calculating her comfort and desire. Her eyes held his, but he could see Sam’s focus already drifting away as he moved, increasing his pace until her head tipped back into the pillow.

“Don’t. Stop. Jack. Please,” she moaned and he kept his pace steady, watching her, trying to hold himself back even though he could feel it close, so close, crawling up from his balls.

Another jerk, her body arching hard off the bed and she was yelling, yelling his name, over and over. There was nothing left in him and he gasped her name as he pushed deep into her and emptied himself with an intensity that he hadn’t felt in years.

Jack’s arms shook and he was thankful for the lock of his elbows, because he felt near to collapse from the sudden drain on his resources. Sam panted and moaned, non sensical, beneath him, Jack watching her.

With a last groan, Sam’s body stilled and she reached for him, hands sliding over his sides, pulling him down to her and Jack gratefully relaxed into her chest. Her arms wrapped around him, still holding him tightly with her legs, and he said her name again, ”Samantha.” This time it was purr and moan and called to her, creating a minor aftershock that he felt inside her and out.

“God, Jack. What was that?” She wondered, her voice sore.

“Us,” he told her, all gentleness now, kissing her collarbone. “Spark and tinder. Gunpowder and flint. C4 and detonator, Naquadah and ...” he struggled to finish the analogy and Sam laughed.

“Careful, before you strain something.”

Chuckling, he nuzzled her. “Okay?”

“Very,” she purred to him. It was their thing now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I have rewritten this scene four times and was mostly ok with it, yesterday. And then, around 3 am, inspiration struck and now here we are, with a complete re write.
> 
> I hope you enjoy, please excuse editing mistakes as it hasn’t had the normal going over I usually do.
> 
> Just as a note sex can be very therapeutic for depression and I played around a lot with how to balance this scene with where Sam is at and yet still give her a good time. When I realised that she might actually provoke Jack into a little alpha strutting, it all came together. It lets her take a lighter part in their play but still manages to be very effective for them both. Happy to discuss sex and depression below.


	30. Day 4: Coffee and Croissants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then, like something out of her dreams, Jack said her name.

**Day 4: Coffee and Croissants**

Jack found himself awake just after dawn. He lay in bed, revelling in the warmth, breathing in the smell of Sam and sex. She was asleep beside him, lying on her stomach, one arm curled under her pillow. Her face was turned toward him and he examined it closely, still concerned about the battle that she was fighting with her memories and wounds. For a moment last night he thought she might try to push him away, again. But, for now, the worry lines were gone and he dared to hope that if she weren’t happy, she at least seemed content.

The blankets only half covered her, running across Sam’s back from hip to shoulder. He longed to reach over and stroke her skin or wake her with kisses but he respected her hand to hand abilities too much to try that, yet.

Sara had shared a bed with him for nearly a decade; he wished that he could remember how he had managed to tamp down his field alertness enough to sleep safely beside her. Sam and he would have to learn it together, along with all the other things that allowed two people’s lives to become intermeshed in a marriage.

Marriage, yup, he hadn’t changed his mind about that, either. Sam didn’t seem to hate the idea, hadn’t rejected it out of hand, anyway. So much was still mixed up with her depression and anxiety that it was probably better to leave it for a while. But he knew that he wanted it all with Sam: marriage, a house, kids.

He could even settle for it being boring and normal, though he doubted that possibility would ever exist in the same reality as Samantha Carter. But boring and normal would be freaking awesome if he did it with Sam. Heck, if she wanted way out there, he could do that, too. Maybe they could get a Tel’tak and convert it into some kind of galactic RV and go zooming around the universe, doing good and raising their brood of kids.

Yup, a brood. Unless Sam didn’t want a brood. Or one, but he hoped she wanted at least one. She had seemed to want at least one, last night, when they had talked about it.

Admittedly, this had been the most unusual dating relationship he had been in. Last night they had been discussing kids and fathers and sons with a deep, intimate understanding of each other. And, at that point, he was yet to actually see her naked. 

Not many people got to spend ten years just being beside and around their life partner, without sex or even a decent bit of kissing. It was both strange and incredibly freeing at the same time.

He had none of the anxiety about whether Sam was the right person. He knew her, good and bad, dark and light, her strengths and weaknesses and he knew that he wanted every part of what she was. Also, he didn’t doubt that she could handle his darkness. She knew enough of it for Jack to know that what was left wouldn’t scare her or hurt her.

All that they had left to learn know was how to enjoy their happiness. Both of them had reasons to see themselves as unlovable, undesirable. And they also had reason enough to know and cherish the good in each other. So no, he didn’t doubt that this would work out for them.

God, he wished he could wake her and kiss her and stir her and then, very very slowly, enter her and make love to her and think all these glorious things about a beautiful and contented life with Samantha Carter while being inside Samantha Carter. Yup, that would be just about the most perfect thing in the world, heck, the galaxy.

A knock at the door saved him from a long wait. “Breakfast,” their host called and then retreated. Sam began to stir and Jack smiled.

“Good morning, Samantha.”

* * *

She had slept, for the first time in months, a deep, dreamless sleep. A knock, then a muffled word had her stirring. And then, like something out of her dreams, Jack said her name.

_Ah, yes_ , she thought. _That happened._

Stretching, making a sound that was at least half purr, Sam rolled on to her side and smiled at her lover. She reached out to him and he slid over, snuggling in close, sharing a slow, warm kiss that transitioned from sleepy to sultry with the help of wandering hands and caressing fingers.

A knee between hers rolled her to her back and parted her legs, allowing a wandering hand to stroke her thigh, tease her curls and let a finger caress her lips. Sam moaned into his mouth as the finger explored, rubbing, dipping, teasing and spreading her growing wetness. As the finger passed over her entrance, she tried to catch it, chasing it with a lift of her hips. Jack shifted his weight and she spread her legs as he lay between them, lifting himself for a moment to guide his head into her warmth.

Sam felt a shiver run along her length as he settled, just inside her, his weight on her hips and his elbows. Jack lifted his head from her mouth and watched her as he began to slowly move. At first, she felt self-conscious, wondering what he was thinking, but he seemed so relaxed, so into her that it began to add another layer to her arousal. It was soft and stealthy, like his strokes, and also relentlessly penetrating, impossible to ignore.

It was slow, that was obviously Jack’s intent, and warm and intimate. Their exchanges, until now, had been stolen moments, snatched kisses, rarely allowing for the luxury of just being with each other, of exploring each of the senses and learning each other’s bodies. He kept moving, stroking within her, slow and shallow.

Academically, given her history of self love for the past year or so, Sam would have said that this was nowhere near enough to bring her to orgasm. But that wouldn’t account for Jack O’Neill or his interminable patience. At first, her insides squirmed, and then she squirmed under him, trying to encourage or tease him into a pace that was faster, or deeper, preferably both. But Jack shushed her and kissed her again, doing things with his tongue and lips that required her attention in body, and not in her head.

Sometime in the kiss, her toes began to curl and her legs shook and she felt Jack reach for her hip and slide to her knee and encourage her legs up and around him. She needed something to hang on to as her body began to tremble and Jack took her deeper, still slow, but oh so indulgent.

Again, he was watching her and she just let it happen because she had no thoughts she could spare on anxiety. Her universe was nothing but the sway of Jack and the steady rising tide that swept her away until she was overflowing and then Jack was kissing her, her skin, shoulders, neck, cheeks, mouth, anywhere his lips could touch and it ended with a soft gasp from him.

She opened her eyes and witnessed his bliss, so beautiful for something they had made together and then she was holding him, cradling him, keeping him joined to her, in her.

* * *

It seemed like they slept, but whether for minutes or hours, Sam could not grasp, for she had no idea when she had woken.

Trapped under Jack, she reached, attempting to push the corner of the bedside clock so she could read the time.

“It’s 07:40,” Jack told her, his voice muzzy. “No rush.”

Sam sighed contentedly and stroked Jack’s back, enjoying feeling him, exploring his skin. His stubble rubbed at her cheek as he lifted his head and kissed her, this one more of a greeting than an invitation.

When the kiss was finished, Jack lifted himself up on knees and hands and nuzzled briefly between her breasts. Butt naked, he crossed to the door and opened it a crack, checking for observers. Seeing none, he deftly grabbed the breakfast tray, shut the door and brought it to bed.

Wiggling upwards and arranging the pillows, Sam took a croissant and began eating it in torn off pieces, watching Jack as he settled and poured the coffee into one mug and the tea into another. The tea was a deep, dark brown. Their host had left the teabags in the pot and it had stewed a long time, thanks to their morning interlude.

“That’s going to need a lot of milk and sugar,” she told Jack. He obligingly added both and she took the cup from him and sipped. Well, good sex won over good tea any morning in her book.

Jack was yet to say anything to her beyond his first greeting and his time stamp, but Sam was very aware that his eyes barely left her. She cocked her head at him, watching his face until he met her eyes and smiled. She smiled back.

“I have imagined this morning a thousand times. But this doesn’t feel real,” he finally told her.

“It is a pretty good dream, isn’t it?” Sam agreed.

She had never seen him smile like that before. There was none of his usual cockiness, no cheek, just happiness, peace. She felt her heart beating faster.

“I love you, Jack.” She hadn’t meant to say it yet, wanting to wait until the depression had lifted more and its fog was clearing and she could be sure that the feeling was her own. But right now, she knew what she felt was true. Or it really was all a dream, and then it wouldn’t matter.

His smile grew wider, more brilliant. “I love you, Samantha,” his voice cracked on her name.


	31. Day 4: The Woman of Willendorf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cream cheese Rangoon, he noted for future reference, was an aphrodisiac.

**Day 4: The Woman of Willendorf**

It was their last day on the road, tomorrow they would arrive at the cabin and take a break from riding. It was scaring her a bit. There wouldn’t be the distraction of travelling or the separation that riding gave them. It would be Jack and Sam, 24/7, until they caught the flight back to Colorado Springs.

Riding let her think without worrying about what Jack might see in her face. She’d needed a break from his intensity, just some space to breathe and wonder what the fuck he saw in her right now. Jack was looking at her like she was some kind of ... goddess. She had never been surer of her cracks and frailties, her shortcomings, all the things that she had done wrong and said wrong in her life. And the more that he just ... loved ... her, without calling her to account for all that she had done to hurt him, the more nervous she got. And he should freaking know better, they had killed enough deities to know that there was no perfection in the universe.

The angrier she got with him, the angrier she was with herself. Because she knew, _knew_ , that he didn’t deserve her anger or even her anxiety. That he was the most patient fucking man in the universe when it came to her stuffing him around and she had put him through hell in the past ten years, ten years that he didn’t have spare to throw away. And then the last five weeks, her behaviour had been ridiculous, demanding that he romance her and that he wait, subject to her whims, for kisses and touches and sex. Like the guy hadn’t been waiting long enough for all that. And what the fuck was that all about, anyway, dry humping in the woods like teenagers. Grow up, Carter. Fuck. Just fuck.

_Always._

_I’m here._

_You’re safe._

_I love you, Samantha._

She wouldn’t let herself cry. Jack would know, if they needed to speak over the headset. And then he would want to know why and then she would be hurting him all over again. Or she would be angry with him, which would end up hurting him more.

_I’ve never been good at seeing you hurting._

Fuck. Just, fuck.

* * *

When they pulled up at their last B &B, Sam had let Jack check in while she secured the bikes and grabbed their gear for the night. She left her helmet on until he walked away, scared of what he might see in her face, that he would find out where her thoughts had taken her. He thought she was getting better, she was sure, but she felt like a traitor wearing a thin, too tight mask of happiness with an ugly, dark centre that he would be sure to discover soon.

Helmet off, Sam checked herself in her bike’s wing mirror. Could he really see, if he looked at her? She wasn’t sure, but she tried to compose what she thought was a neutral expression.

Jack met her in the foyer and took one of the sets of gear from her. “C’mon,” he led off and she followed him through the grand old house.

Did he look strangely at her? Did he see it? Did he know? Jack was good at reading people, especially her. He would see through her the moment he actually stopped to look.

Opening the door to their room, he stepped back to let her through. She wouldn’t meet his eyes, instead she looked intently around.

“Nice,” she said. It was expected.

“Even better,” Jack told her, “It has a big bath.” He opened the bathroom door and looked it over. “That’s going to take a while to fill,” he noted as he walked over to the bath, put in the plug and turned the handles. It was the kind with clawed feet that needed a step stool so you could actually get in the thing.

“You want to go first?” Sam asked, putting their few possessions in the closet and dresser.

“Nah, you can have the first bath. I think I’ll go search out a few cold beers. Want one?” He asked.

“Sure,” she replied. What else could she say?

He left and Sam stood looking around the room. Bath, then. It would give her more time to compose herself and to push down her anger and lock it away.

By the time she’d retrieved fresh clothes, removed her boots and leathers and neatly put them aside, the bath was half full. She tested the water temperature, adjusted the flow of hot and cold and poured in half a bottle of the complimentary bubble bath. Grabbing a hand towel, she folded it into a make shift pillow. Standing on the bath stool, she tested the water with a toe, then slipped into the warmth and settled herself, turning off the taps before she lay back and put the towel behind her head.

Right, to fix this she needed to ground herself. Both her training and Teal’c had schooled her in relaxation and calming techniques. Head back, she tried to centre herself, but her centre was elusive and her mind wandered everywhere, turning over thoughts like potatoes in a field, half of them rotten. The weariness and her frustration with it threatened to drown her. Why couldn’t she just be happy. She was here, with Jack, getting everything that she had ever wanted and instead of loving it, she was loathing herself and screwing it up for both of them.

The tears ran down her face, hot and copious. Sure, Carolyn said that she might be better, one day. But she wanted to feel better now, to have this time with Jack and just be fucking happy and not fucking broken, before she would be a whole fucking galaxy away. A heaving sob took her by surprise, loud and embarrassingly revealing.

Fuck, just fuck.

She thought she heard the quiet pad of bare feet on the bathroom floor. There was the clink of a bottle being set down on the tiles and then a soft grunt as Jack sat down on the bath stool. He just sat there, silent, while she struggled with her tears and desperately tried to pack down her chaotic emotions. She kept her eyes tightly shut, unable to look and see what she knew would be there: Jack’s loving face, endlessly patient, waiting for her as if she were worth waiting for, over everything else in the universe.

Every now and then she heard the clink of the bottle, as Jack took a sip and put it back down. Waiting.

“You’re going to be all pruney,” he finally said.

It was so unexpected that she snorted, still on the edge of losing it.

“Are you feeling any better?” He asked. So he had known.

She let out a shuddering sigh. “Not really.”

Sam heard him stand and, was he? Yes, he was undressing.

“Well, if you don’t want to get out, move forward,” he told her.

She did as she was told, seeing as thinking for herself was such a mess.

There was a splosh as Jack stepped into the tub behind her then a few waves as he settled down and wiggled his legs down beside hers.

“C’mere,” he said, hand gentle on her back. She lay back into his chest and he shifted so that her head was pillowed on his shoulder. One arm slid under hers, supporting her, the other he used to slowly stroke her hair.

Goddamnit, he was doing it again. Loving her with all his bloody, annoying, strong and silent type patience. The tears wouldn’t stay away, no matter how hard she tried to will them out of existence.

Jack let her cry, gentling her with firm touches, long strokes through her hair and against her skin. When the tears finally seemed to have had enough, he let his cheek rest against her hair and held her.

“You can’t scare me away,” he softly reminded Sam.

Sam moaned in response, feeling her heart tearing.

“You don’t know,” she told Jack.

“Tell me, then. I can’t get out of this bathtub on my own, so you have a captive audience.”

Despite herself, she laughed, just a little. “Fuck you, Jack,” she said mildly, as her anger drained away. Sam sighed in resignation that he could be both so fucking understanding and make her laugh when she didn’t want to.

He didn’t respond, just held her, waiting.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be well again. And, I’ve put you through enough, not to mention that I am two weeks away from going away for two years.”

Jack said nothing and she couldn’t stand the silence, so she went on.

“It seems a stupid thing to say while we’re both naked in a bathtub, but I don’t think that you should wait for me.”

“Hmm,” Jack pondered. “So we don’t get together and you go to Pegasus. What am I doing in this new plan of yours?”

“Being happy, somewhere with water but no fish. Finding someone more appropriate to fall in love with ...” her voice cracked, her heart tearing a bit more at the thought. “Maybe the time away will be what we both need to stop hanging on to the idea of us and look at it for real and realise that we’ve been locked in a fantasy that was never going to work out.” Now she was crying again, when she thought there were no tears left.

“Would you be happy, then?” Jack asked.

“Maybe,” she answered. They both knew it was a lie.

“You can’t scare me away, Sam. Your wounds are just that, wounds. Something you have because of who you are. I would feel just the same about you if you had lost a leg. What you’re trying to heal is because of who you are. And I will always, _always_ love who you are.”

Sam could hear his pain and even feel it, in the way he was wrapping his limbs around her, trying to protect her from her self-inflicted barrage. The tears kept falling.

“All I ever do is hurt you, Jack.”

Their conversation of last night came back to him. If she needed forgiveness, then he could grant it to her, something Charlie or Debra had been unable to give him or Jacob.

Jack squeezed her tighter. “Then I forgive you. I forgive you, Sam.”

He would find out later what she thought she had done to wrong him, but right now, he could give her release. And comfort.

Sam turned in the water, lying on her hip between his legs, curled up against his chest. Jack hooked a leg over hers and wished, absurdly, that he had more limbs to wrap her up in.

“Jack,” she said to him. “I’m not a goddess, I’m not perfect and you need to stop thinking of me like that. Because it scares the hell out of me. Because one day you are going to wake up and realise that I do have flaws and cracks and then, you’re going to stop loving me.” Sam’s voice wavered, her lips trembling.

Running his hand through her hair, Jack thought how to respond to that.

“Danny showed me something, once. It was a little statue of a round woman with beautiful breasts.” In the water, his hand skimmed over Sam’s, “And great big hips, and a big fat bum,” he brushed over both of these features on her. “And she had these lines, here and here,” his finger touched her groin, tracing a line from labia to hip and then repeating it on the other side.

“He told me she was tens of thousands years old. She had bits flaked off and cracks and rough edges. But she was still beautiful, a goddess, cracked and worn and and very round and very sexy.” Jack kissed her hair and stroked at her belly where his hand rested.

“Like her, people get cracked and worn, and it is how they survive and go on that makes them beautiful. Like you.”

Sam had no way of replying. Her throat felt constricted and it was as if she couldn’t breathe, let alone speak. And besides, all the fight in her was gone, she was exhausted and she had nothing left to push Jack away with. Maybe, just maybe, she would have to accept that she had given it everything she had and he still wanted to be with her.

* * *

The cold water forced them out of the bath eventually. Once they were dry and basically clothed, Sam curled up in an armchair and sipped at her beer.

“Eat out or in?” Jack asked her.

Sam pondered. Out meant that they probably wouldn’t talk about anything too deep. In meant the possibility of some kind of deep and meaningful discussion, but also, temptingly, sooner to bed and cuddling and possibly more.

“If in, what are the choices?”

Jack wandered over to the folder of local businesses that the B &B provided and flicked through it. “Chinese, a curry house, pizza and a steak place.”

“Chinese sounds good unless you’d rather steak.”

“I can do Chinese. Want me to order?” He glanced over at Sam, who looked exhausted. “I’ll order. Usual for you, if they have it?”

Sam nodded and took a sip of her beer. She should probably stop drinking it. When she was tired beer put her to sleep.

Jack hung up the phone and walked over to where she was sitting. There was an unoccupied ottoman that matched the chair and Jack sat down on it.

“20 minutes,” he told Sam.

“Alright,” she managed a smile for him. “Thanks for sorting it.”

He reached for her leg and pulled her foot into his lap. Starting with the tendons at her heel, Jack began rubbing at calf muscles tight from being on a bike for four days in a row.

Despite her flat mood, it felt good. Both the release of her aches and also having him touch her, working his strong fingers into her muscles. She shifted a little to make it easier for Jack to reach her which also allowed her to watch his hands at work. Those hands were scarred and calloused and so very beautiful. Sam thought about what he had said to her before, in the bath.

If she could think of Jack’s scars and wounds as beautiful, then why did she have trouble accepting that he felt the same way? It was hypocrisy. And she hated hypocrisy. Hypocrisy was a failure of facts. And here, she had a fact. She decided to approach this methodically.

She needed an hypothesis: a statement framed in the positive, that she could test.

_Jack O’Neill loved Samantha Carter and wanted to go on loving her, even with how broken she was._

Ok, now the executive summary of findings.

_Fact #1 - People get cracked and worn, and it is how they survive and go on that makes them beautiful._

Alright. Now she needed to gather more data.

* * *

When he was done with her first calf, Jack tugged gently on her other foot and worked that one over once she moved it into his reach. Every few minutes he would look at her, but she didn’t seem to be noticing him. He knew that look very well: her big, beautiful brain was working something out. He’d try and distract her from it later, but for now it was good to see her doing something particularly Sam-like.

The front desk buzzed them and Jack kissed the top of her head before going to get their food. When he got back to their room, he realised that their key was on the table next to the phone. He knocked lightly and called to her, “Sam? It’s me, I forgot the key.”

The door opened as he reached the last word. “I figured as soon as I heard you knocking,” Sam told him.

Jack brought their food to the coffee table and laid it out. Chicken and corn soup, which he knew she liked when she wasn’t feeling well, and beef and broccoli. And then the crowning glory, cream cheese Rangoon.

“Oh, yes,” she exclaimed upon seeing the little deep fried packages. “Score one for you, Jack.”

He grinned and started in on the beef and broccoli. “I know you can’t find decent ones in the Springs. I thought that we could give it a chance here.”

Sam started by nibbling the crispy wrapper until the little warm bundle of filling was all that was left. And then she bit through its crispy exterior and moaned, yes moaned, as she tasted the warm and creamy insides.

Now that he knew she also made that moan when he teased her with his fingers, Jack found himself captivated watching her eat.

She repeated the experience with the second one. Jack gave up on being able to eat for a while after that. Sam was about to start on the third when she looked guiltily at Jack.

“Uhh, these two should be yours,” she dutifully offered.

“Oh no, please,” he grinned at Sam. “They’re all yours. Worth every penny just to watch you eat them.”

He chuckled as she blushed but noted that it wasn’t enough to make her relinquish them. Jack stretched his feet out to the coffee table and revelled in watching her. She was such a dork. Ok, a sexy dork, and he loved her for it.

* * *

_Fact #2 - He ordered her cream cheese Rangoon and chicken and corn soup. And he let her eat all the cream cheese Rangoon._

* * *

Cream cheese Rangoon, he noted for future reference, was an aphrodisiac. Maybe not universally, but certainly in the universe of Samantha Carter.

She had consumed them all, much to Jack’s enjoyment, and then finished off the soup.

Then Sam had climbed into his lap and repeated the scene from two days ago, except that this time, he got to know how it actually finished, instead of just having to fantasise the ending. Maybe it was a thank you for the food and the care he had shown her, or maybe she needed to feel something penetrate the fog of depression, but he didn’t care either way. As long as they kept connecting he felt they could get her through this. Now she was snuggling in his lap while he ate his share of dinner, offering her the occasional bite from his beef and broccoli.

By unspoken agreement, they kept the topics of discussion light. When he was done eating, Jack suggested going to bed and not for lascivious reasons. Sam was nearly asleep on his chest and they still had three hours of riding ahead of them tomorrow.

Sometime in the wee hours, they both woke at the same time and found each other in the dark. Making love by feel, they ended side by side in a tangle of limbs and fell asleep that way. Sam woke an hour later with pins and needles in one foot, rolled over and snuggled her back into Jack’s chest. Without really waking, Jack looped his arm over her, cupped one of her breasts, whispered that he loved her and then they drifted back to sleep.


	32. Day 5: Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This place had known him first and they needed a chance to reacquaint.

**Day 5: Finally**

They’d stopped for lunch an hour ago and loaded up on basic groceries. Now Jack was leading the way through the wooded roads. Every mile or so, Sam caught sight of water. The area was replete with lakes, ponds, rivers and streams. No wonder this place made Jack think of fishing, there were more bodies of water than dry land. Or at least it felt that way.

Sam was glad to have Jack as a guide. Even with a map, the route would have been challenging and much of the area seemed to lack signage. Probably the locals liked it that way, she knew Jack did.

His excitement had been growing all day, akin to a kid at Christmas. Sam knew Jack’s cabin was really the centre of his world. It was something she had worked out early on, long before she knew anything else about his private life. While Jack had been coming to terms with Charlie’s death and his divorce from Sara, it was the only safe place he’d had. Until SG-1 became his family and extended the places that Jack felt safe and secure.

It was of great regret to Sam that she had only been to the cabin once. Ten years of dancing around what their relationship was had made trips to the cabin seem too intimate, too close to breaking the rules. To be honest, she’d been afraid of being near him at the cabin, afraid that the magic it worked on Jack would take her in, too, and that she would both have and lose everything in that taking.

This was the reprieve Jack had created for them by retiring. Sam noticed that her hands were trembling and took slow, deep breaths until they stilled.

“Slow turn up on the left,” Jack warned her over the headset.

She followed him, braking and then leaving the thin strip of bitumen behind and progressing slowly up a rutted driveway. Sam saw the pond first, as they crested a small hill, and then the driveway turned past it and there was Jack’s cabin.

Pulling her bike up next to Jack’s, Sam cut the motor and removed her helmet. She waited in silence while Jack scoped the area, eyes flicking over the clearing they had stopped in, the lake and dock and the cabin itself. The silence began to impress itself upon her, there was nothing to hear but the trees and the distant bird calls.

First they opened the cabin up. It was just the same as Sam remembered from her visit two years ago. Probably Jack hadn’t had much time to do anything to it while he had been in Washington. He would now, though. Sam wondered how different it might be when she returned from Atlantis.

Sam detoured to use the bathroom and, when she was done, realised that she had lost Jack. There was no sign of him inside, so she walked to the front porch, expecting to find him unloading, but he wasn’t there. At a guess, she walked around back and saw him down on the dock, where he liked to put his camping chair and fish. Uncertain, she watched him for a short while and then went back around front to unload the groceries. It felt too much like intruding to go to him. This place had known him first and they needed a chance to reacquaint.

Most of the groceries were put away by the time she heard Jack’s steps on the back porch.

“In the kitchen,” Sam called to him as the screen door swung open.

“Hey, thanks,” Jack seemed surprised that she was almost done unpacking.

Sam looked at him and couldn’t help but smile. Something had happened down on the dock and Jack finally seemed to be at ease. She’d been so caught up in her own head that she hadn’t realised until now that he had been carrying a burden since her farewell at the base.

“We made it,” Sam held her arms out to him.

Jack crossed the kitchen and wrapped himself around her. “We did,” he agreed, kissing her hair. “We finally made it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all,
> 
> It’s been a crazy week in the Moving Castle and the padding that I had for daily postings has been consumed. This chapter gives us a good place to pause for a little while and let me build up some steam on the next arc of their story. 
> 
> I hope to be back sometime in the next week or two with a new work continuing this one. 
> 
> Thanks all for reading along. I have been so encouraged by your comments and kudos and would love to hear any feedback that you have to share.
> 
> \- Sophie <3


	33. Bonus: Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bonus for you while I prepare the next instalment. A playlist for each chapter of The Space Between.

**Bonus: Playlist**

 

[The Space Between Playlist](https://itunes.apple.com/au/playlist/the-space-between/pl.u-9N9L2GyIX753Er)

 

 **1\. Day 1: Vacation** \- _(Don’t Fear) The Reaper_ (Blue Oyster Cult)

 **2\. Day 2: Nebraska** \- _Distant Sun_ (Brooke Fraser)

 **3\. Minus 30 Days: Chinese Takeaway** \- _Let My Love Open the Door_ (Pete Townsend)

 **4\. Minus 29 Days: Terms and Conditions** \- _Say_ (John Mayer)

 **5\. Minus 26 Days: The Space Between** \- _Here With Me_ (Plumb)

 **6\. Day 3: Lookout** \- _Cherry Lips_ (Garbage)

 **7\. Minus 24 Days: Math** \- _There She Goes_ (Sixpence None the Richer)

 **8\. Minus 23 Days: You’re Older Than You’ve Ever Been** \- _Fall at Your Feet_ (Claire Bowditch)

 **9\. Minus 22 Days: Doctor Approved** \- _Hey There Delilah_ (Plain White T’s)

 **10\. Minus 21 Days: Mutual Idiots** \- _As Lovers Go_ (Dashboard Confessional)

 **11\. Minus 17 Days: Mission Report** \- _Always Love_ (Nada Surf)

 **12\. Day 3: Five More Minutes** \- _Come On Get Higher_ (Matt Nathanson)

 **13\. Minus 14 Days: The Invitation** \- _Corner of An Endless Road_ (Lior)

 **14\. Minus 13 Days: Silver Service** \- _Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me_ (Elton John)

 **15\. Minus 12 Days: Eurovision** \- _World Falls Apart_ (Dash Berlin)

 **16\. Minus 12 Days: The Small Things** \- _Under the Milky Way_ (The Church)

 **17\. Minus 11 Days: Patience** \- _She Will Be Loved_ (Maroon 5)

 **18\. Minus 9 Days: Arrival** \- _The Long and Winding Road_ (The Beatles)

 **19\. Minus 8 Days: Breakfast at Samantha’s** \- _Waiting For a Girl Like You_ (Foreigner)

 **20\. Minus 8 Days: Keeper** \- _Something I Need_ (OneRepublic)

 **21\. Minus 8 Days: Pasta Carbonara** \- _This Kiss_ (Faith Hill)

 **22\. Minus 7 Days: Waking** \- _Burnin’ For You_ (Blue Oyster Cult)

 **23\. Minus 7 Days: Not Good Night** \- _Save You_ (Simple Plan)

 **24\. Day 3: Dinner** \- _Prayer_ (Lizzie West)

 **25\. Minus 6 Days: Contact** \- _Leaving on a Jet Plane_ (Chantal Kreviazuk)

 **26\. Minus 1 Day: Incoming Wormhole** \- _Kiss Me_ (Sixpence None the Richer)

 **27\. Zero Day: Reunion** \- _This Old Love_ (Lior)

 **28\. Day 3: A Walk in the Dark** \- _I’m Yours_ (Jason Mraz)

 **29\. Day 3: Samantha** \- _Addicted_ (Saving Abel)

 **30\. Day 4: Coffee and Croissants** \- _The Best Thing_ (Boom Crash Opera)

 **31\. Day 4: The Woman of Willendorf** \- _All Of Me_ (John Legend)

 **32\. Day 5: Finally** \- _Better Days_ (Goo Goo Dolls)

 **Bonus:** _Older_ (They Might Be Giants)

 


End file.
